tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25712432672526575762024-02-23T14:34:51.758-05:00Choosing JOYJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05830732895082763205noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-48262744461362454652019-07-08T20:15:00.000-04:002019-07-08T20:15:09.616-04:00Stand in the LightThere is this song that I love...<br />
It's called "Stand in the Light" by Jordon Smith. This guy has an amazing voice... but the lyrics are what grab my heart and make my soul sigh with contentment<br />
<br />
These are the lyrics...<br />
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<span jsname="YS01Ge">Stand in the light and be seen as we are</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Didn't I tell you I hear what you say?</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Never look back as you're walking away</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Carry the music, the memories and keep them inside</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">You</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Laugh every day</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Don't stop those tears from falling down</span></div>
<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span jsname="YS01Ge">This is who I am inside</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">This is who I am, I'm not going to hide</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">'Cause the greatest risk we'll ever take is by far</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge">With courage and kindness hold onto your faith</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">You get what you give and it's never too late</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To reach for the branch and climb up leaving sadness behind</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">You</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Fight hard for love</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">We can never give enough</span></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge">This is who I am inside</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">This is who I am, I'm not going to hide</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">'Cause the greatest risk we'll ever take is by far</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge">Riding the storms that come raging towards us we dive</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Holding our breath as we break through the surface</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">With arms open wide</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">With arms open wide</span></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge">This is who I am inside</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">This is who I am, I'm not going to hide</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">'Cause the greatest risk we'll ever take is by far</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span></div>
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<span jsname="YS01Ge">Ah</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">'Cause the greatest risk we'll ever take is by far</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">To stand in the light and be seen as we are</span></div>
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Source: <a href="https://www.lyricfind.com/" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.54); cursor: pointer; text-decoration-line: none;">LyricFind</a></div>
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"Riding the storms that come raging towards us we dive, holding our breath as we break through the surface with arms open wide."</div>
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Oh my... this is exactly how I felt three years ago when ALL the storms were raging around me, tearing my safe harbor apart and casting it aside and throwing me into a tailspin that in some ways I am just now breaking free of. I held my breath as my marriage ended, as my pastor (and mentor) left to serve a new church, as my therapist left for a new job, as I put my children into public school after homeschooling them for years, as I battled an eating disorder and anxiety that crippled me at times and depression that demanded I have a team of support people who were now leaving my life one by one. I held my breath as I figured out who I was and who I was becoming. I held my breath as I took a real look at my faith and my relationship with my God. And when I had worked hard and learned how to take care of myself, when I came to know myself and trust myself and actually (dare I say it???) like myself, I was able to start to move into the light as myself.<br /><br />So who am I?<br /><br />I am strong. I fought ED (eating disorder) and won</div>
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I am wise. I saw things in my life that were toxic and harmful and made choices that were healthy for me</div>
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I am stubborn. I not going to give up when I know what I need to do</div>
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I am loyal. If you are one of my people, I am there for you. period</div>
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I am honest. Might not make some people happy (though I try to always be kind in my honesty) but I'm not going to lie just because it makes my life (or someone else's) easier</div>
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I am a woman of faith. I love God with all my heart and love God's people too</div>
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It feels so good to stand in the light... to stand in God's light and know that I can face the raging storms, I can come up from under the waves that try to drown me, I can reach up to the branch where happiness lives and escape the sadness that I have lived with most of my life. </div>
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I am thankful for the light. I am thankful for the courage to take the risk to stand in faith and lean on that faith to sustain me and strengthen me and propel me into the life that God has for me.</div>
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Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05830732895082763205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-23001388388167276542019-06-22T21:47:00.000-04:002019-06-22T21:47:30.441-04:00A Return to JoyOk, so I have been AWOL for a while. A lot has happened, and blogging has taken a back seat, but I have missed it... so here I am!<br />
<br />
Soooooo... to catch up to things in my crazy little corner of the world...<br />
<br />
I am in seminary! I have completed two years at one of the coolest places I have ever been and met soooo many people and learned soooo many things! I am constantly amazed at God's blessings on this journey. I was really worried about traveling to school (it's a long commute into a large-ish city and I am a country girl at heart!), worried about the coursework and worried that my eating disorder would rear its ugly head. I have been so thankful to see God's hand at work as I navigate all the things that come with being a seminarian with four kids, while learning to single parent and working two to three jobs. Let's just say that life is never dull!<br />
<br />
SO.... I am hoping to start posting here once a week. My goal is to pick a song or movie or Scripture verse to write about.<br />
<br />
It's good to be back, I missed this adventure of blogging and sharing my thoughts with anyone who is interested in reading them.<br />
<br />
God bless!<br />
<br />
JenJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05830732895082763205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-37940987587328559602014-03-16T16:56:00.001-04:002014-03-16T16:56:14.360-04:00Who is the Lady in the Front RowI was sitting at church this afternoon, working on my schoolwork (the main reason I haven't posted in a while) and suddenly I had this overwhelming urge to pray for the lady who sits in the front row of the church I will someday be appointed to. I did pray for her. Of course, I have absolutely no clue who she is or what her needs are, but God does, so I prayed for her to feel his presence and strength, and for her to be safe and healthy, for her family and for her to feel overwhelmed by the love and peace of Jesus.<br />
<br />
Who is she? Is she old or young, rich or poor? Does she have a huge, loving family... is she all alone? Is she the picture of health and vitality, or is she frail and weak with illness? So many questions I have about this woman and all the others I am getting ready to serve. I have been thinking a lot about that 'someday' congregation lately. Somewhere out there, right now, is a family of believers that I will be serving. Somewhere is a little baby who I will someday see before me in children's time. Somewhere is the child of God whose funeral will be the first I perform, a couple whose vows will be the first I hear as a pastor. Somewhere is the person I will someday counsel, hopefully making some small difference to their life.<br />
<br />
I recently took my psych testing for my candidacy. There were some tough questions... not because I didn't know the answers, but because I did and didn't particularly want to answer them. But I did, with all honesty. In large part because I was thinking about that 'someday' congregation and how much I love them and want to be the best pastor for them that I can possibly be. Every step of this journey, every single one, I am thinking of how it is preparing me to do God's work, to be His hands and feet and eyes and ears and voice to His children. Every step of the journey I am thinking of how He has given me the love that He wants me to pour out on them someday. It makes it so much easier to see setbacks as just another part of the process and disappointments as another opportunity to learn and grow. It is funny to me (funny peculiar not funny 'haha') that it is so easy for me to see it this way. Usually I have a really hard time with setbacks and disappointments. Must be that I am getting just a liiiiiiitttttttlllllleeee bit better at the whole trusting God thing???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-73508400646384977682013-09-24T14:49:00.000-04:002013-09-26T14:50:16.984-04:00Waking up at Home<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"> I woke up at home this morning. I took
sleeping meds last night so that I would really sleep. And sleep I did...
thirteen hours. When I woke up it took a minute to realize I was really at
home. I lay in bed for a while thinking about the last week and a half and
processing the fact that I was safe and comfortable in my warm bed... and those
we served in Guatemala were waking up to very different circumstances. The
leaders of the trip had said in emails that there would be an adjustment period
when we came home... they were right. I am feeling so much right now... more
even than when we were there serving. As I look around at my home and the piles
of stuff... so much stuff... I think of Manuela and Francesca and their sparse
homes. I think of the look of pride on their faces as they shared their humble
homes with us. Homes that were small and dusty, but filled with love and pride.
Homes that contained little more than a few beds, a few changes of clothes, and
some kitchen tools. What would they think if they were to see the excess of
stuff in my home? I have an overwhelming urge to sell everything I can and do
more to help the people of Guatemala. Surely I could raise enough to do
something more than hand out medicine for a week. Not that that didn't make a
difference, seeing the gratitude on the faces of the patients as we gave them
their medicines and prayed with them will forever stay with me. But to think
what a couple hundred dollars could do for them... support the clinic, buy more
medicine, help someone learn to support their family... the possibilities are
endless. Coming home and having nothing more impactful to do than make sure the
laundry gets done is awfully anticlimactic. How do you go back to your
comfortable, safe life when you know that there are people in the world for
whom just surviving is a daily struggle? How do you enjoy your health and
safety when you have seen children who are suffering for a lack of simple
medicines? There were children that we saw at the clinics that we had to send
away without the medicine they needed to be healthy because we had run out.
Little babies who would continue to suffer because there wasn't enough medicine
to go around. Oh sure, their parents can always go to the next clinic and hope
there is enough medicine for their child this time... but what if there
isn't? What if by the time there is enough it is too late? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"> My husband and I were talking about
the trip and I told him I fully intend to go back. He asked if I wouldn’t want
to go somewhere else, just to have the experience of going somewhere different.
I wasn’t sure at the time why I would only want to go back to Guatemala… but I
think it’s because I don’t feel done there. There is so much more to do there
and I feel a part of it now. I went and served, yes. But I don’t feel like my
job there is over. I feel like as long as there is more to do there I need to
keep serving there. Not long term, I really feel like GOD is wanting me to stay
on the path I am on into ministry, but I really think that I need to make
serving His children there a part of my life in some way. I don’t think I will
be able to rest if I simply go back to my life and forget that there is a way I
can make life better… even just a little… for someone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"> There is so much more I am thinking
and feeling and I can’t put words to it. I can’t even begin to process. I
wonder how long it takes to feel like you are back where you belong and not
feel like you are short changing those you left behind who need more than you
were able to give in too short a time. All I know at this point is that I saw GOD's hand everywhere on this trip, from the smiles of the patients at the clinic, to the energy that sustained the team through long bus rides, long work days, cold showers, and unfamiliar surroundings. It really brought to life the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-89184144920465316822013-07-29T18:42:00.001-04:002013-07-29T18:42:03.851-04:00"The Best Day" For the last five or six years I have helped run the Vacation Bible School program at my church. I love the week that we get to finally see all our hard work pay off, and do all the fun stuff with the kids. I love seeing kids who don't know about Jesus learn that there is someone who loves them beyond anything they have ever imagined. And I love the energy that just runs through the whole week and the excitement that the volunteers and children have for learning about GOD's word.<br />
Today was the first day of VBS. We have three kids who have never attended a VBS before, and I don't know what their church background is. One of the boys in particular caught my attention. In music he was so enthusiastic, singing with all his might and really getting into the actions of the songs. He even started playing air guitar when he saw one of the people in the video playing guitar. I saw him a little later in snack and asked him if he was having fun. His reply? "This is the best day of my life!"<br />
The best day of his life! That's a pretty glowing endorsement for VBS! And I can't help but wonder what seeds we are planting for that young man. He is ten years old, and I have no idea if he comes from a family where GOD is talked about and prayed to, or if his parents were simply looking for something for him to do this week. What I do know is that for the three hours that he is in our care he will hear about how much GOD loves him, about how GOD will help him to stand strong, and about how GOD sent his son to die for him. I pray that those seeds grow and bloom and become a strong faith that will carry him through life's storms. Then indeed today will have been the very best day of his life, because it will be the day that his faith journey began.<br />
<br />
Thanks be to GOD!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-30358157173627214332013-07-16T21:55:00.001-04:002013-07-16T21:55:29.513-04:00Whirlwind Blessings<div class="MsoNormal">
GOD’s timing
is amazing. I was supposed to be leading another You and Me on the Hill at the
camp this week, Sunday night until Wednesday noon. It was going to be the last
time littlest duckling and I would be doing camp together (she’ll be too old
for You and Me next year). On Friday the director of the camp called to let me
know that they didn’t have enough kids signed up so they were canceling that
program. Then he offered for littlest duckling to go to an arts and crafts camp
for the whole week… by herself (she LOVES crafty stuff!! And so she was very
enthusiastic to go). Biggest duckling and I dropped her off Sunday afternoon
and were at the grocery store when my brother called and told me that my sister
in law’s grandmother had passed away. I expressed my sympathy and thought… in
the back of my mind…. hmmm wonder if I should offer to go out and help with the
kids. But also in the back of my mind was the to do list that I would now be
accomplishing since I wasn’t going to camp. Then Monday morning my sister in
law called and asked if I would be able to come out so that she could go to the
funeral. Of course I said yes!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is
the cool thing… if the You and Me hadn’t been cancelled I would have been at
camp. This is the only week that I could have done this for the next month or
so. AND… we sometimes order food from a delivery service. I had ordered a bunch
of stuff when they had a sale a few weeks ago, but wasn’t home when they came
to deliver it. It arrived yesterday afternoon… about two hours after my brother
booked my flights. Now my family will have some quick and easy meals while I am
gone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I
get to spend time with my brother and his kids… without having to share them
with my ducklings. So I can spoil, play, hug, read, and love to my hearts
content and not have to fight off my kids (seriously… my kids are nuts about
little kids! There is about six years between my youngest and my brothers
oldest, so when we got together last the kids were 15, 13, 11, 8, 2 and 1. And
my kids absolutely love to play with their cousins). <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
So
thank You GOD… for your timing. For the opportunity to spend time with my niece
and nephew getting to know them better and make memories. Thank You for all the
details you see to, from the timing of when people are at camp, to when the
huge amount of ‘convenience food’ I ordered showed up. Thank You for watching
over me, bringing me here safely and with no anxiety. <o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-87590388434815170652013-06-29T22:41:00.002-04:002013-06-29T22:41:46.723-04:00Gardening Somethings<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I walked into my garden today. It’s like my own little
world, with its paths and its walls of green. Looking at the sheer volume of
work that needed to be done could very well overwhelm anyone, and often
threatens to do just that. But I have learned something about my garden. If I resist
the urge to look at the garden as a whole, and avoid the temptation to think I have
to pull every.single.weed… right NOW, I can enjoy my time in my little world.
Instead of thinking of the garden as a one-time project that has to be finished
all at once, I see it as a series of jobs. Today the tomatoes, tomorrow the
beans and peas, later in the week the potatoes, cucumbers, peppers and squash. As
I was pulling each tiny blade of grass from around my beans today it occurred to
me that caring for my garden is a lot like being a disciple of Jesus. Just like
every weed I pull from the earth to give my plants the best shot at being
fruitful… every time I give something up to GOD it gives me a better shot at
being fruitful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I worked on weeding my tomatoes first, getting two rows
cleaned up and looking nice, then I moved on to the beans and peas. As I was
sitting there I turned and pulled a particularly large weed from the row behind
me. I started to scold myself for not staying on task, but then I realized that
even thought I wasn’t sticking to one row I was still working on <i>something.</i> And as long as I was working
on something I would still be making progress. It made me think of the way my
faith has grown in the last few years. It seems that I am always working on <i>something</i>. Whether it’s gaining the
confidence to speak in church about my faith, or finding the courage and words
to pray out loud, or whether it’s learning to be still and listen to His call
on my life… there has been so much to work on. And there is more yet to do. It’s
like my garden. Every day I look at it and see the changes. There are weeds
here that weren’t here yesterday, those plants are bigger than they were. This
plant has more flowers than that one, and this one here is suffering from some
plant disease. Every day I look at my
life and see the changes there too. Where I used to be a quiet presence in the
pew every week, now I am taking a more active role in my church life. I am
serving Him through serving my church… and it has made my faith so much more
real.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-21724886838588663062013-06-23T16:14:00.001-04:002013-06-23T16:15:09.670-04:00In His Hands<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jf3FXb8C3zI/UcdWcPT5qNI/AAAAAAAAAF8/9YjoX1iP5AU/s1600/in+GOD's+hand+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jf3FXb8C3zI/UcdWcPT5qNI/AAAAAAAAAF8/9YjoX1iP5AU/s320/in+GOD's+hand+pic.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
This was on the cover of the bulletin at church today. I love the idea of resting in GOD's hand. I love the idea of His powerful hand holding onto us when we are weary and the burdens of life get to us. What a treasure to be able to rest in His strength and comfort and be held close to Him.<br />
<i>Thank You Lord for holding onto us and giving us rest. Thank You for taking our burdens and giving us the promise of Your strength to help us carry the burdens of life. I love You, Amen.</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-52527252007107028672013-06-15T13:16:00.001-04:002013-06-15T13:16:51.810-04:00Making it Official (again...) I had the privilege this week to attend the annual conference for our church. Four days of workshops, worship, holy conferencing, and fellowship, at a college about an hour and a half from our home. It was an awesome experience. First, it was like a huge family reunion, with people seeing fellow clergy and laity... some that they only see once a year... hugging them and chatting excitedly. Since I have been more involved in the church, and especially since I started my journey into ministry, I am recognizing more and more people.<br />
I attended workshops on stewardship, praise music in worship, Bible study/laity information sessions, and an orientation for anyone who hadn't been to conference before. I worshiped with two lovely ladies from my church (and about a thousand others!!!), listened to resolutions, reports and debates about amendments to our church's constitution, and had a lovely (and wonderfully lengthy) conversation with a four year old American Asian little boy (we discovered that we both speak some Mandarin Chinese and sang songs together and talked a little in Chinese). It was a busy and filling four days.<br />
I was very touched by the way that everyone was so focused on doing what needs to be done to bring people to GOD. As with any large group there were many different ideas, I know I certainly don't believe the same things as some of the people there. But the bottom line for all there was that GOD's love is what is important. That every single human being on the planet should have the opportunity to know and grow close to GOD...no matter what they look like, sound like or dress like. No matter where they are from or what mistakes or choices they have made. There was such a feeling of "<i>We</i> know His love, and we are excited to share that with the everyone we can, so that they will know it too." and of being Jesus' hands and feet in the world. It's one of the things I love about our denomination... the desire to <i>do</i> something with their faith. And the commitment to love the world like Jesus does.<br />
But the part that touched me the most happened last night, and it only lasted maybe ten minutes.<br />
I have been working on this process for about 10 months now, starting with meeting with my District Superintendent (who incidentally is the one who helped my pastor discern GOD's calling on her life!), then going before the PPRC, getting a mentor, doing the Ministry Inquiry Program, and having my church conference (and of course school, but that is a whole separate thing from the church process). So, really, I am official as far as being on the path to becoming a pastor. But last night at the end of the ordination ceremony the bishop invited anyone who was ready to answer a call from GOD on their life to go into ministry to come to the front and be prayed for and give their information. I was nervous (did I mention that there were about a thousand people there!!!) but I did it!!! Pastor came up and prayed with me, as did a pastor we had a few years ago, the DS and his wife came up and hugged me too. There were people hugging and praying and rejoicing, and I was shaking and crying and laughing and just feeling an amazing sense of peace and joy and love and completeness. It was such a powerful, emotional moment... I am so thankful that I decided to do it. I am so thankful that I will be a part of that community... what an amazing gift!! Somehow it felt right to 'announce' to that community that yes, I was ready and willing to make that commitment to serving our Lord and Savior with all that I am.<br />
<br />
Amen and Amen!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-57677064058796923462013-06-05T16:59:00.001-04:002013-06-05T16:59:46.991-04:00In the Silence<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In the
Silence<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">in the
silence thoughts <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">crash
and tumble.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">in the
silence they become songs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">waiting
to be sung.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">songs
about joy and happiness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">fear
and despair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">in the
silence thoughts become stories<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">to be
told.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">stories
about trial and triumph<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">winning
and losing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">in the
silence thoughts become dreams<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">that
dance before us<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">beckoning…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">come,
live, be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">in the
silence there is no distraction <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">from
illness and struggle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">or
from hearing <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">His
whispers to our hearts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">in the
silence <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">we
learn who we are<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">where
we have been <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">where
we are going.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Bradley Hand ITC"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">if we,
too, are silent <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-58997538503035747812013-05-24T13:10:00.000-04:002013-05-24T13:10:36.039-04:00It's All About the Climb...I was driving home, listening to the radio the other night, and heard this song by Miley Cyrus called 'The Climb'<br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I can almost see it<br />That dream I am dreaming<br />But there's a voice inside my head saying<br />"You'll never reach it"<br /><br />Every step I'm taking<br />Every move I make feels<br />Lost with no direction<br />My faith is shaking<br /><br />But I gotta keep trying<br />Gotta keep my head held high<br /><br />There's always gonna be another mountain<br />I'm always gonna wanna make it move<br />Always gonna be a uphill battle<br />Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose<br /><br />Ain't about how fast I get there<br />Ain't about what's waiting on the other side<br />It's the climb<br /><br />The struggles I'm facing<br />The chances I'm taking<br />Sometimes might knock me down<br />But no, I'm not breaking<br /><br />I may not know it<br />But these are the moments that<br />I'm gonna remember most, yeah<br />Just gotta keep going<br /><br />And I, I got to be strong<br />Just keep pushing on<br /><br />'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain<br />I'm always gonna wanna make it move<br />Always gonna be a uphill battle<br />Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose<br /><br />Ain't about how fast I get there<br />Ain't about what's waiting on the other side<br />It's the climb, yeah!<br /><br />There's always gonna be another mountain<br />I'm always gonna wanna make it move<br />Always gonna be an uphill battle<br />Somebody's gonna have to lose<br /><br />Ain't about how fast I get there<br />Ain't about what's waiting on the other side<br />It's the climb, yeah!<br /><br />Keep on moving, keep climbing<br />Keep the faith, baby<br />It's all about, it's all about the climb<br />Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa</span></b><br />
The song just reminded me so much of my current journey. Going into it I wasn't sure what to expect. I have been out of school for *ahem* 22 years, so I wasn't sure what to expect when it came to having assignments to complete on time. I wasn't even sure if I had what it takes to do well in school... I was definitely not what one would call a model student while in school. And then there were all the skills that I need to work on to be a good pastor. And all the skills I need to work on to be healthy body, mind and spirit while serving whoever GOD sends me to. There have been days that the whole idea of completing this process seems a little overwhelming.<br />
But then GOD touches my life again, refreshing the fingerprints that seem to be everywhere, all over this process.<br />
After my charge conference last week there were some papers I had to sign. A simple piece of paper stating what my intentions were (ordained elder). Just a simple piece of paper, but it carried so much meaning. Ok, a little dramatic perhaps, but really it did. It was written proof that I am determined to obey my GOD. As I signed the papers my heart was racing and my mind was spinning, and I had an overwhelming urge to toss down the pen and do a very very happy dance of joy... I am obeying my GOD!!!! I wanted to shout it out.... I AM OBEYING MY GOD!!!!! I didn't know it would bring such a feeling of joy and completeness to do such a simple thing as sign a paper stating my intention to follow through with His plan for me.<br />
As for the school part of this journey... I am finding that I really enjoy it. Each assignment that I complete is one step closer to my goal. Every time I get a good grade back it is confirmation that I am doing what GOD wants me to do (I am going on the assumption that it is His strength that is giving me what I need to succeed!!)<br />
I like the part in the song that goes like this...<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Ain't about how fast I get there<br />Ain't about what's waiting on the other side<br />It's the climb, yeah!<br /><br />Keep on moving, keep climbing<br />Keep the faith, baby<br />It's all about, it's all about the climb<br />Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
It doesn't matter how long it takes to get there, I will get there in GOD's timing... and one thing I have learned so far is that His timing is absolutely perfect. Whether it takes me four years or ten... I will get there when He wants me to, all I have to do is do my best, trust Him, and follow the nudging of the Holy Spirit. And keep the faith that He wouldn't call me to do this if He didn't intend to give me the things I need to accomplish what I need to do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-73483079102178290852013-05-20T09:16:00.000-04:002013-05-20T09:16:35.654-04:00Another Step in the JourneyYesterday was my charge conference. In the Methodist Church when someone wants to go into ministry there is a process that involves getting the support of the church. When I made the decision to follow GOD's call the first step was to meet with my district superintendent, then with the Pastor Parish Relations Committee (PPRC), then to have a special charge conference where the whole voting membership of the church has opportunity to hear my story, ask me questions, and vote on whether to approve me as a candidate for ministry. This is what happened yesterday.<br />
<br />
My nerves kicked in Saturday. I had been pretty calm about it in the last few weeks, a little nervous about speaking, a little more nervous wondering what questions would be asked, but nothing too overwhelming. (that has been a significant thing in this whole process... my sense of peace about it). But Saturday night I really started to get nervous, complete with shaking and racing heart. Oh, the enemy was sending his fiery darts left and right... attacking me relentlessly with these whispers of doubt...'you got it wrong... you would make a terrible pastor' 'no one is going to believe that was God calling you' 'you are going to make a fool of yourself' 'people will think you aren't well enough to do this'... and so on and so on. By Sunday morning I was pretty much a wreck. Adding to the nerves was that I am doing the pastoral prayer each week while I am taking my public speaking class to get me more experience in speaking and praying. I don't remember much about the sermon (too bad too, I do know that I enjoyed it, just don't remember it) or anything else about the service because I was praying through most of it.<br />
<br />
That's ok though, cause GOD was listening.<br />
<br />
For my class we have to do four speeches. As I understood the assignment, we aren't supposed to read our speeches, but just speak them. So when it was time for me to get up and tell my call story I just stood up and spoke. Let me clarify that... GOD put words in my mouth and they came out. And I stayed calm (and upright... no passing out!!!) and watching it later I was amazed at how calm I seemed. I got choked up a few times, but it wasn't a fear or an anxiety thing, it was a 'I need you to know how much I love GOD and want to do this for Him' thing. The questions weren't that bad, mostly about time management and my church background, that kind of stuff. There weren't really that many, and before I knew it I was being sent out (my family and I had to leave so that they could discuss me freely) so they could vote.<br />
<br />
I went into the sanctuary and prayed and played my violin. It seemed like fooooorrrreeeevvvveeerrr before Pastor came in to get me, and when she did I couldn't tell by her expression what the results were. The closer we got to fellowship hall the more my heart started racing, because I knew that whatever the results of the vote were, my life wouldn't be the same. Not that it will ever be the same again anyway, but it just seemed like a huge moment in my journey.<br />
<br />
Thankfully the district superintendent (who was running the meeting) didn't waste any time telling me the results of the vote. 33 said yes, 4 said later, and one said no. I started tearing up and felt like the breath had been sucked out of me. They said yes!!! And even the one that said no said it because they were concerned about my health. And the comments that they wrote on their ballots. Oh the comments were so loving and supportive and encouraging. The DS told me to hold onto them and look at them when I need encouragement. Oh without a doubt I will keep them. They are a blessed reminder that I am loved and respected.<br />
<br />
The thought occurred to me later that, even if I didn't go one step further in this journey, even if I stopped right now, GOD has already used my obedience to bless my life. He has shown me that I am loved by a whole lot of wonderful, godly people. He has shown me that I am capable of doing things that I never dreamed I could do. He has shown me that no one is a hopeless case, and that with trust in Him, and the support of His hands and feet... and heart... in this world, I can do that which He has called me to do. What an enormous blessing this journey has been so far. I know it hasn't been easy, and it will undoubtedly get harder and more challenging in ways I can't begin to imagine... but I'm seeing glimpses of the truth that it will be soooooooo worth it in the end.<br />
<br />
Thanks be to GOD!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-37523412224397890432013-05-06T15:14:00.001-04:002013-05-06T15:14:44.502-04:00The Holy Spirit is Whispering... are You Listening? The Holy Spirit is busy lately. Well, ok, the Holy Spirit is always busy I'm sure, but it has been busy watching out for me and my family more than I even knew lately.<br />
We homeschool our kids. It is a choice that has had its ups and downs, but for the most part it fits our family well. With all that has gone on in the last two years though, we haven't been as involved with other homeschoolers as much as we have been in the past. So when biggest duckling came to me and asked if we could look into attending a co-op that my niece takes her kids to, I said I would see what I could do. I said this knowing that that particular co-op was not taking new families at that time. I told duckling to pray about it and I would email a friend who is on the board and see if there was any chance a spot might open up. A few weeks later I heard that they had decided to let 8 more families in, so I put our names in the 'lottery' that would determine which families got in. I told the kids to keep praying (and put it on the prayer chain at church) and we waited. The morning of the drawing my niece called me crying... we got in!!<br />
Today we went to the sign ups... and I saw even more evidence of the Holy Spirit at work...<br />
I was thinking all the way there that this was going to be an awkward situation. I am pretty shy, and I only knew of three people that I would know there, my niece, my friend (who does our homeschool evals) and a friend I haven't seen in about 7 years. Surprise... when I got there there were probably about 4 or 5 other people that I knew, some that I have been hoping to reconnect with even before knowing we were going to 'rejoin' the homeschooling community! <i>And</i> we got into all the classes we wanted to sign up for, which is awesome (usually the first year it is hard to get into the classes you want, people who are already members get first priority, and classes fill fast).<br />
But that wasn't the best part. That friend that I haven't seen in so long... she was telling me that even before my niece told her that we were joining, even before we knew... she had felt it on her heart to pray for me. How blessed I am that not only am I surrounded by people in my everyday life who love and support and pray for me... I even have people storming Heaven for me that don't even know why they are praying, just that they are being led by the Spirit to lift me up, and they do. I know that those prayers weren't any more heartfelt than any of those offered by those I see on a regular basis, but their meaning is so powerful. My GOD wants me to know that He is working on a much bigger scale than I ever realized. To put me on my friend's heart... to get us into the co-op with so many good, godly, loving, supportive people... to make sure that my kids get into classes that will broaden their horizons and be able to make new friends... so many answers to prayers, all wrapped up in to a big, beautiful picture of His care and love. Amazing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-53753907646816458522013-04-15T19:04:00.000-04:002013-05-06T14:57:20.357-04:00Look for the Helpers<b>"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." -Fred Rogers</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
A tragedy happened about two hours from our home today. Just yards from the finish line at the Boston Marathon an explosion shook the ground and sent people to their knees. Two people died and over 80 were injured, some critically. Many more were forever changed in that instant, and just minutes later when a second explosion happened a few blocks away.<br />
I have been watching the reports with thirteen year old duckling. He just keeps saying 'oh my goodness' over and over. Part of me wants to shield my kids from such evil, letting them believe for as long as possible that the world they live in is completely safe. But that would not do them any favors. The day has to come when their innocence takes a blow and they come face to face with the reality that there is evil in the world.<br />
But there is good too. Immediately after the first blast people began running. Many of course were running for their lives, but many were running into the blast zone to help those injured. With no regard for whether they were running into another explosion, they went to the aid of those who needed it without hesitation. As I watched them running, intent on doing what they could to help, I thought about what GOD was thinking. Was He mourning the separation of those responsible from His plan? Was He shedding a tear over the pain that those killed and injured and their families would be feeling? Was He smiling with pride at the determination of those helpers to be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world? I don't know the religious affiliations of those helpers, and it doesn't really matter. Whether they were Christians, Jews, Muslim, Atheists or some other religion isn't important. What is important is that they were doing just what He wants us to do, reach out to those who need our help and help them.<br />
<br />
<i>Lord, be with those affected by the explosions in Boston today. Please hold them in Your comforting arms and let them feel Your strength. Thank You for the helpers, those who step in...run in... to help their fellow human beings without hesitation. Thank You for their bravery and compassion. In Jesus' name, Amen.</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-28363551307217583592013-04-08T10:43:00.000-04:002013-04-08T10:43:04.107-04:00Carry On<i> If you're lost and alone</i><br />
<i>Or you're sinking like a stone<br />Carry on<br />May your past be the sound<br />Of your feet upon the ground<br />Carry on</i><br /><br />(Carry On by Fun. Lyrics from elyrics.com)<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I've been thinking a lot about this song. It's so easy to feel like you are alone in life's storms and trials. It's even easier to feel like <i>no one </i>'gets it' or wants to be bothered by your troubles. And even for those whose faith is what sustains and carries them, it is easy to think that GOD is tired of listening to your troubles and is ready to give up on you. </div>
<div>
For those who struggle with depression or anxiety, it's easy to fall into that pit where just the thought of taking one more step on the path of life is just to much to even contemplate. Maybe that's why I like this song... "if you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone Carry on." Just one more step, one more breath is all it takes. Just one more day. and one more. and one more. Because even when we think that the hope is run out, Jesus is there waiting to offer us a refill. Pastor spoke about doubt this week. Last week was Easter, and she talked about how we can count on there being something more than what we are experiencing now. This week she talked about Thomas and his doubt, and how we are so much like him. We so often doubt that <i>our </i>pain is anything that He would bother with. We are so sure that we have to figure things out before we can get to where He is. We fear that <i>we </i>are the one person that He will give up on, that He will turn His back on us because we aren't 'getting it right'. Thankfully we are wrong. Jesus will always meet us where we are... even in the midst of our doubts, or fears, or anxieties, or whatever it is that is pulling us down. He will never leave us alone. He will always be on that path with us. </div>
<div>
We just have to decide to keep taking another step. And when we get to the end of our lives, our past <i>will </i>in fact be the sound of those steps on the ground, the 'sound' of our decisions to keep going. <i>Even if </i>we felt lost and alone. <i>Even if </i>we felt like we were sinking and drowning. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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Carry on my friends. Carry on. The Savior is walking with you. He will never leave you, never forsake you, never ever give up on you. You were bought with a price that is far too high for Him to let you go. Let Him meet you on the road. Let Him hold you and carry you and give you His peace. </div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-23667586403671754382013-03-03T17:53:00.001-05:002013-03-05T18:57:33.068-05:00A Different Kind of Nervous I filled in at the pulpit again today. It was the first time I had filled in since making my decision to go into ministry. Where before I was just plain terrified-nervous, today I was a different kind of nervous. As I sat there waiting to start the service, looking out at my church family (wow, there were a LOT of people in church today!!!) it occurred to me that these people, many of whom have become dear dear friends, would be seeing me differently today. The other time that I filled in it was just me... just a person in the congregation filling in when Pastor was away. Today it was me...a future pastor that was speaking to them. In 7 weeks I go before them for a special church conference to ask for approval for candidacy. They will have the opportunity to vote on whether they think I should move forward in my journey to becoming a pastor. And as I sat there waiting to start the service it occurred to me that if I totally botched it, they may very well say no that day. It threw me off a bit, and made me very nervous. After the children's time (which did NOT go well) I took a breath, looked at the pocket rocks that GOD gave me this morning, and said a quick prayer. It worked, the sermon went well (other than that I need to slow down more!)<br />
<br />
Pocket rocks. Yeah. So I have written about my pocket rocks before a few times. About how GOD picks them for me (I pray before I pick them, close my eyes and take the ones I feel Him 'pulling' me to). Here are the ones He picked for me to day:<br />
<br />
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in CHRIST he is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come.<br />
<br />
Isaiah 41:13 For I AM the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "do not fear, I will help you"<br />
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Psalm 16:11 You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.<br />
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Isaiah 40:31 For they that hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.<br />
<br />
(and the best one...)<br />
<br />
2 Timothy 1:1 GOD did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and love and of self discipline.<br />
<br />
So today, before I even got nervous (well, before I got <i>really </i>nervous)... my Heavenly Father gave me words to hold in my heart that would remind me that I <i>am </i>a new person in Him. No more am I to be a nervous, fearful person. He reminded me that I didn't even <i>have</i> to be afraid, because he will take hold of my right hand and help me! He will show me the path of life <i>HE </i>wants me to take, and fill me with joy on that path! He will renew my strength, even when I am running a race that I do NOT feel qualified to run! And most importantly... He <i>did <span style="font-weight: bold;">NOT</span> give me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self discipline</i>!! And He wants me to use that spirit to share His love with His children! What an amazing glimpse of His grace and mercy! What an amazing pouring out of His love.<br />
Our God is so amazing, it takes my breath away. I am feeling stressed lately...just some things that are weighing on my heart...nothing too earth shattering. But the stress of it has taken its toll on me. Yet, even in that stress, I can still see His fingerprints so clearly. It amazes me that, even when I am not feeling at my most joyous, even when I am feeling the weight of stress so heavily that it is almost tangible... HE can and does still use me somehow. He can and does still give me enormous shares of grace and mercy and strength.<br />
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<i>Heavenly Father, thank You for standing next to me today, for holding my hand and helping me speak of Your love and grace.Thank You for my church family who supports me and loves me and gives me feedback to help me keep getting better, so that I can serve You well. I love You my GOD!!! In Jesus' name, Amen.</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-88119301615245560702013-02-22T09:52:00.000-05:002013-03-02T07:57:31.444-05:00Two Wolves I remember a bulletin that we had in church one week. On the front of the bulletin was a picture of two wolves and a Cherokee proverb. The saying goes like this: "There is a Battle of Two Wolves Inside Us All. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The wolf that wins? The one you feed." And it is so true! So many of us have those two opposing 'wolves' who dwell inside of us. It might be the wolves who represent the two views we may have of ourselves. Or the two wolves who represent our struggles with an addiction. Or maybe the two wolves who represent our efforts to be in the world and not of the world.<br />
I spent some time thinking about this the other day. I wonder how many people have these wolves who are doing constant battle in their hearts? How many of us have spent years 'feeding'...or allowing to be fed, the 'bad' wolf? The wolf that is our poor self-image, or our giving into temptation, or our allowing ourselves to conform to the world's values instead of GOD's. How often those wolves gorge themselves like a king at an endless banquet, stuffing themselves with the lies, fears and doubts that can bring us to our knees? And the good wolf, the one who is the truth that we are beloved, cherished, forgiven children of a mighty GOD, the one who is our strength to turn from temptation and to stand strong in our beliefs... the poor little wolf who hungrily gobbles up anything and everything he can. How we need to learn to feed him! To put him on a steady diet of love, and truth, and honest encouragement. Every time we feed him, we starve his wretched counterpart. Every time we give him a morsel of truth, we deny that 'bad' wolf the sustenance he needs to continue his reign of lies against us.<br />
I pray that anyone reading this has a fat and happy 'good' wolf, and that the 'bad' wolf is but a shadow far back, so far that you can barely see it. I pray that we all learn to nurture and nourish our 'good' wolves, and learn that is in fact ok to starve that bad wolf... and send it packing!!!<br />
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<i>Heavenly Father, please help us to send our 'bad' wolves packing. Please help us to see our lives, and ourselves, in the truth of your love. Thank You for being our strength. In JESUS' name. Amen</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-38576664952237171922013-02-05T10:59:00.000-05:002013-02-05T10:59:10.743-05:00Hoarding Hubby has been watching the show 'Hoarders' lately. Not sure why, but he has watched it a few times now. I was watching with him the other night and the woman they were helping was very cooperative, letting them basically throw out just about everything that had accumulated in her home over many years. Of course this got me thinking...<br />
As we grow up we take in the words of others. They get stacked in piles in our hearts, in our minds, even in our very souls. There is the stack over there that is full of teasing and taunting by bullies. The stack next to it that is full of condemnation, and the one that is full of put downs by those who said they loved you. Hopefully there are also stacks full of kind words, words that built you up and made you feel safe, loved, respected. Stacks full of words that remind you of good times with people who you loved and who loved you.<br />
There comes a time in our lives when we need to stop hoarding. Just like that woman on the show, we need to let people come in, sometimes professionals, and help us clear out all those stacks of junk that are cluttering up our minds. The difference between the woman's home before and after was amazing. I just thought 'wow, now she can really <i>live</i>'. Isn't it the same when we clear out our minds? When we get rid of all those stacks, we can really <i>live! </i>We can stop hearing that endless loop of negative words that has been playing for all our lives, and really live in the freedom that CHRIST wants us to have!<br />
Not everyone that appears on the show is so cooperative. Many of the people they are trying to help just don't, or can't, let them help. They hold onto their stuff, their 'stacks', so tightly that the professionals that are there to help them are unable to. Their hands are tied because the ones that need the help are unwilling to do their part. How like that we can all be when it comes to letting go of the past! I wonder if sometimes we are just too afraid of what life will look like without that which is familiar around us, even if that which is familiar is the very stuff that is weighing us down. Just like those on the show, we get used to working around all our 'stacks', we get use to navigating so that we can continue living. But are we living? Or are we just existing. Watching this show, I just feel so sad for these people. They basically just exist. They can do little more than just <i>be</i> in their homes. They can't move around freely, most can't use their kitchens so they can't cook a meal. They certainly can't have friends over. But when the house gets cleaned out, their lives suddenly open up. Without all the clutter, they can move freely, they can sit on their couches, eat in their kitchens, sleep in their beds. Little things like opening a door, or walking across the floor easily. Things that we take for granted, things that they couldn't do. How will our lives open up if we cleaned out all our stacks? How much easier to hear GOD's still, small voice if our minds aren't cluttered with all those stacks of negative words that won't let us live freely? GOD wants us to live as His children, it really doesn't matter what <i>people </i>think of us, the Bible tells us what <i>GOD </i>thinks of us. And He loves us. Just the way we are.<br />
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<i>Heavenly Father, help us to clear out those stacks, it's time for us to stop hoarding them. They are doing us no good! Please help us to rid our minds and souls of the negative words we have heard spoken to and about us, and to focus on Your still, small voice. We thank You for the words You gave us in Your Holy Bible, reminding us that we are in fact Your beloved child. In JESUS' name, Amen.</i><br />
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-2312160818873010352013-01-27T19:23:00.000-05:002013-01-27T19:23:17.931-05:00It's Just Too Hard...Or Is It?I have a confession to make. I was given an assignment that I have not completed. Not for my schooling (I got all that done and turned in...early even!), or from Pastor (I am working on my next sermon, not exactly an 'assignment' from her, but something I need to do in a certain amount of time.). Nope, this is an assignment from my music teacher. I have been practicing so much (1 1/2 to 2 hours a day, off and on throughout the day) that I am progressing fairly well. So she wants me to learn to play 'Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (see an example on youtube... this woman plays beautifully!! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwINOcFwTjc">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwINOcFwTjc</a> )<br />
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I would love to play that way. It would be amazing to play that well. And I know that if I work hard and practice it a LOT... I will at least get close.<br />
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But it is still a scary thing...<br />
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I have taken out the music a few times. I can play a measure or two... not well, but well enough that my ears don't hurt and I am not overwhelmed by the desire to throw my violin across the room (NEVER would do that!!!! We broke a string one day...easy enough to fix but it made me want to cry!) But when I try to play more than just a few measures, well, I quickly get overwhelmed with the difficulty of it. I want to play it, and play it well.... NOW. I don't want to have to (this is a yucky word... sorry for having to use it...) <i>wait</i>. I'm not good at delayed gratification... which means that GOD gives me many many opportunities to practice it. I have to convince myself that anything that is worth doing will probably take time, and just because I don't succeed quickly and all at once, it doesn't mean I never will.<br />
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It reminds me of my journey, this journey that GOD has sent me on. I started my first class this week and a few times I have caught myself slipping into the 'what if I fail at this? what if it is too hard? what if I am wasting my... and everyone else's time? <i>what if I am no good at it</i>??' mindset. So far I have been able to avoid falling for the enemies lies that I am going to fail at it. When I first decided to obey GOD and go into ministry I had a meeting with our District Superintendent (a very wise man) and he told me something that has really stuck with me, and that I am really trying to remember when I start to doubt myself. He told me (and I am paraphrasing here!) that no one expects me to be a good pastor <i>right now</i>... that that is what the journey, or process, is about. The process to become a pastor (not even counting the schooling part... there is a whole process within the church in addition to getting a degree) is meant to prepare one to serve. It is such a comfort to know that where I am now is not where I will be when I complete this journey. Which is a very very good thing... I don't see in myself what it would take to be an effective pastor. But GOD must... or HE wouldn't have asked me to be one! And just like that piece of music, obeying Him... and being a blessing to His children, will take a bit of practice, a lot of persistence, and a whole lot of patience.<br />
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I think I need to get out my violin...<br />
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<i>Heavenly Father, thank You again for the gift of music, what a blessing not only to hear it, but to be able to make it! Thank you for my music teacher,and her patient instruction, encouragement and optimism! Thank you for the wise words spoken by my DS, and the way they have helped me have the determination to persevere. Please help me to continue to see the goal... serving you, and to not listen to the enemy when he tries to convince me that it's just too hard. In JESUS' name, Amen.</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-78203115229955624732013-01-23T20:45:00.004-05:002013-01-23T20:45:58.572-05:00Love Covers it AllI've been thinking a lot about love lately. In a Christian sense, not a romantic sense. See, I have a facebook account, and I am 'facebook friends' with many people, who have a very very wide range of beliefs. From the far right to the far left and everything in between. From the pro-life, Bible believing, conservatives to the pro-choice, every kind of faith goes, liberals. (And might I mention that I love them all... just so that is said!).<br />
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One thing that has gotten my attention lately is the polar differences in the posts I have been seeing. And to add to it, the bumper stickers I have been noticing lately too. It occurred to me that they all have one thing in common... no matter what the content... and that is love. Whether they are talking about the need to love people who are gay, or the need to care for those who can't care for themselves, or the need to care for the environment. The main theme is love. Now, I don't agree with all the posts that I see. There are some that I disagree with quite strongly, but the love part... I can only say a whole hearted 'Amen' to that. After all, isn't that why JESUS came? Isn't that what HE preached in His short but powerful ministry? Didn't He time and time again look past all the 'details' of who His children were... be they tax collectors or prostitutes, adulterers or lepers, and see to the heart of the one He loved? Didn't He allow Himself to be humiliated and tortured, nailed to a tree all in the name of love? He didn't come and make the ultimate sacrifice so that we could turn to our neighbor and see only their sins, or their weaknesses, or even simply the ways they are different from us. He made that sacrifice so that we would know what unconditional, limitless love looks like... and DO something with that knowledge.<br />
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Now before I get any grumpy comments...I don't mean that we shouldn't live the way GOD tells us to. He gives us some pretty clear instructions about how to live. But that doesn't mean that we are to be judge and jury over others. JESUS tells us to be salt and light. He tells us to live in a way that others will see Him in us. He never says that we get to get angry at someone because they don't do the same. And He certainly doesn't want us to treat others in a way that pushes them away from HIM.<br />
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<div class="heading passage-class-0">
<h3>
<i>Matthew 22:35-41</i></h3>
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<b><i>New King James Version (NKJV)</i></b></div>
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<b><i><span class="text Matt-22-35" id="en-NKJV-23908"><sup class="versenum">35 </sup>Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, </span> <span class="text Matt-22-36" id="en-NKJV-23909"><sup class="versenum">36 </sup>“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”</span></i></b><br />
<i><b><span class="text Matt-22-37" id="en-NKJV-23910"><sup class="versenum">37 </sup>Jesus said to him, <span class="woj">“‘You shall love the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’</span><sup class="footnote" value="[<a href="#fen-NKJV-23910a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+22:35-41&version=NKJV#fen-NKJV-23910a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</sup> </span> <span class="text Matt-22-38" id="en-NKJV-23911"><sup class="versenum">38 </sup><span class="woj">This is the first and great commandment.</span> </span> <span class="text Matt-22-39" id="en-NKJV-23912"><sup class="versenum">39 </sup><span class="woj">And the second is like it: ‘<span style="color: #674ea7;">You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’</span></span><sup class="footnote" value="[<a href="#fen-NKJV-23912b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+22:35-41&version=NKJV#fen-NKJV-23912b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]</sup> </span> <span class="text Matt-22-40" id="en-NKJV-23913"><sup class="versenum">40 </sup><span class="woj">On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”</span></span></b></i></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-70910999610266972712012-12-30T13:19:00.002-05:002012-12-30T13:19:30.078-05:00Growing and Living I listened to two things today that made my mind start turning, and in a funny way they kind of tie together. The first was a sermon at church. Pastor is away and a friend was filling in for her. Her sermon was about not dropping out of life, about always continuing to grow and learn. She pointed out that those we admire (and I would add, those that really touch our lives in meaningful ways) are those that are always seeking to better themselves and their lives. How true! And it seems that those who have that mindset, that life is about growing and learning, are also those who are likely to encourage others to step out of what is comfortable... and grow and learn. I know that those I admire and respect are those who not only are always learning, but that are always looking to help others do the same. And what a difference they have made in my life... and to my faith. Because the more I learn and the more I look to grow, the deeper my faith becomes, and the wider and stronger my foundation becomes.<br />
The second thing I heard today was the song "The Rose" (originally by Bette Midler, this version was sung by Francesca Bertecelli...not sure if I spelled her name right). I have always loved this song. Today as we drove home I was thinking about the sermon and I heard this line "It's the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live." It's so easy to put up a wall between ourselves and the world, to protect ourselves from the pain that comes with living sometimes. But when we do that we miss out on so much of the joy that comes with life too. It's so easy to choose not to do something new or different or hard, because it might hurt us if we fail. It's easy to make excuse that we are unqualified or unequipped, and so we just continue on in our little comfort zones, missing out on all the blessings that come with putting ourselves out there.<br />
When I was in school I was not the most successful student. I struggled to pay attention in class, struggled to do my homework each evening, really just squeaked by thru much of my high school years. I convinced myself that I was just not a good learner, and so I didn't go to college. I figured it was pointless to try, since I hadn't really ever succeeded. So why try? But then this summer I finally listened to what GOD had been trying get thru my stubborn head. 'Become a pastor!' HE was telling me. Ooookkkkaaayyy. 'Really, are you sure?' and it seems HE is, so I am determined to obey. One thing... it involves going to college. And so it also involves a major change in my thinking. I have to make a decision to trust that GOD will help me with the learning part, that HE will help me focus my mind on the work assigned and complete it well. I have to be ready for this great adventure HE has called me to, and not drop out of it if (when) it becomes challenging.<br />
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<i>Heavenly Lord, thank you for the great adventures you set before us each amazing new day. Thank you for </i><i>giving the courage and strength to learn to live, to never drop out of the life you have so generously blessed us with! Please help us to always see Your hand in each new day and to trust in Your will and grace. In JESUS' blessed name, Amen!</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-40024935765054306072012-12-25T09:16:00.002-05:002012-12-25T09:16:38.399-05:00The Most Wonderful GiftI got an amazing surprise a few nights ago. My brother and his family drove 850 miles to surprise us for Christmas! I heard the knock on the door around 7 pm and came down to see my niece's beautiful face in my kitchen door window... let's just say I couldn't open the door fast enough!! I was so excited, I was shaking, and crying, and just kept saying 'oh my gosh' over and over as I hugged and kissed my precious niece and nephew. What an awesome gift!!!<br />
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But it isn't even the best gift!! The best gift is the one we all got 2000 years ago, in the form of our mighty God coming to us as a tiny helpless baby wrapped in humble swaddling clothes. The journey my family made, while long and tiring, was nothing compared to the journey GOD made when HE traveled from His Heavenly throne and made His way to us. They arrived knowing that there were warm beds and a comfortable place to stay where they were welcome and loved. HE arrived knowing that He would be placed in a rough manger, in a drafty stable surrounded by animals. He came, knowing that He would eventually be rejected, betrayed, humiliated, tortured and killed. His journey to us was one of humility and love. And so much sacrifice. We often think of the sacrifice of His death, but His very life was a sacrifice of love. He sacrificed the glory and majesty of Heaven to come to us. There is no greater love than that.<br />
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After I soaked in the reality that I was in fact going to get to spend Christmas with my beloved niece and nephew (I LOVE being an Aunti!!!!) I wanted to call people and tell them. No one knew that they were making the trip, so we called our parents and grandmothers to tell them the good news. They were all so thrilled to hear that their grandchildren would be here for the holidays, that they would get to spend some time getting to know them better and making memories. My brother and his wife knew how much it would mean to us to have them close by during this holiday, that time spent together brings us closer and helps our relationship to grow stronger.<br />
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Isn't that why GOD sent us His Son? To bring us closer to Him? To help our relationship with Him grow stronger? Time spent with Him is such a gift, and we should treasure it as much and more than I am treasuring every moment with these two amazing children that have invaded my house and my heart with their sweetness. And share the good news!!! Just as I called all those I love to share the good news of the unexpected guests.... we should share the good news of the long awaited Messiah!<br />
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<i>Amazing, loving GOD, thank you for making that long, difficult journey to us, even knowing that You wouldn't always be warmly welcomed. Please always help us to greet You with excitement and amazement at the wonder of getting to spend time with You! As I watch my kids and niece and nephew opening their presents, the tree lit, the smell of Christmas breakfast filling the house, I can't help but feel the fullness of Your love and grace. Help us always to be so filled with joy and happiness at Your nearness that we just have to spread the good news of Your arrival. I love you!!!! In JESUS' name... Amen.</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-40917950702478989602012-12-11T08:59:00.000-05:002012-12-11T09:00:06.573-05:00Finding the Gift<b>2 Timothy 1:6-7 "6 for this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of GOD, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7 For GOD did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."</b><br />
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I have read this 'pericope' (section of scripture) many times. I even have verse 7 on a pocket rock, it is a verse I have turned to often when I was afraid. But I have never put the two verses together before. </div>
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I am working my way through a program called 'Ministry Inquiry' as part of my candidacy journey. It is a great program, it helps you to think about calling and what GOD's call means in your life. Right now I am on the section that discusses gifts and graces. It asked me to list my gifts and graces.... something I am kind of uncomfortable trying to do. I am never really sure what to put as an answer to that question, so when I came to that one I went online to read sermons about spiritual gifts, to try to figure out what my answer was. I came across a few great sermons that were really inspirational... hhhmmmm, almost like GOD knew I needed the messages they contained....</div>
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One was by a woman who had struggled with her decision to enter ministry. She had grown up believing that women weren't suppose to be pastors, but then she received a call from GOD. She wasn't specific in her sermon about how or what that call was, just that she felt that call very strongly. She talked about the parable of the servants, and how the first two took risks to do what they were suppose to do with what their master had given them, and the third played it safe... not wanting to risk losing what he had been given. </div>
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How many of us play it safe with the gifts GOD has given us? How many of us put those gifts away, believing that the risk... of offending someone, of mishearing the call.... of failing.... is just too great. After all, it's better to play it safe than to get hurt in the process of serving... or is it? What are we missing out on if we 'play it safe' instead of taking the risk?</div>
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Paul tells Timothy to nurture the gifts GOD has given him, to do what he has to do in order to be an effective servant "for GOD did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline". GOD didn't make us to be timid, or fearful. He didn't intend for us to run from the gifts HE has given us, even if those gifts seem more a mystery than a blessing at first. HE wants us approach our gifts with the power of the Holy Spirit, and to use them to spread the love of JESUS. HE wants us to have the self-discipline to not just identify our spiritual gifts, but to learn how and when to use them. </div>
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I think that is the hard part. It can be intimidating to try to identify your spiritual gifts. Not only do you have to know what the choices are, you have to figure out which one(s) you have been given! And then you have to figure out how to use them. But according to the sermons I read, that can be the best part! Finding out what your gifts are can be a great adventure if we let it. We can take opportunities to learn as much as we can about the different ways to serve, and along the way we will learn more about ourselves, our churches, <i>and </i>our GOD. And when we find out what our gifts are, we can then begin another adventure... of learning how to use them. And then we will <i>really</i> learn about GOD and who HE is, and what His plan is for us. </div>
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There is something I have heard a number of times that has been in my mind a lot through this journey. "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips those He has called". He <i>has</i> equipped us with gifts, it is our job to see what those gifts are, and use them, but He has always known what they are. He picked them out just for us! </div>
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<i>Amazing GOD, You knew us before You spoke a word of creation on this great earth. You have blessed us with so many wonderful gifts! Please help us to learn what those gifts are, and how we can use them to glorify You and show others the way to You. In JESUS' name, Amen.</i></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-69646353545375430202012-12-02T21:59:00.000-05:002012-12-02T21:59:42.207-05:00CourageCourage is a funny thing. Do you know how many times GOD tells us to have courage? Or to fear not? So many times... it's almost as if HE knew that we would struggle with fear, almost more than any other struggle. Ok, of course HE knew that, and HE loves us so much that HE put it in HIS story over and over again, so we would be sure not to miss it.<br />
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Our GOD is amazing.<br />
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About a week and a half ago I went before the committee in our church that will be a huge part of my support system through my journey into ministry. One of the purposes of the meeting was for them to get to know where I am in my faith journey, and why I feel I am being called to go into ministry. One of the questions I was asked was why I had been scared to do the service back in July? I answered that it was the anticipation of it that was scary, all those things I imagined could go wrong. It got me thinking about courage, and what that means.<br />
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Duckling #3 said something the other day. He said that courage didn't mean you weren't afraid, it meant that you did what had to be done <i>even though</i> you are afraid. Ah... the wisdom of children. But seriously, he is right. Being courageous has nothing to do with a lack of fear... and everything to do with stepping around or past or even through that fear and getting to the place where you realize that your world is so much bigger than you ever imagined.<br />
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I played the violin at church tonight. We were doing a carol sing to celebrate the beginning of advent, and I played the introit (one verse of 'The First Noel') with the organist accompanying me. It went well, and a lot of people came up to me to encourage me and tell me that I did a great job.<br />
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Encourage. That is a powerful word, a powerful thing to do for someone. To encourage someone is to give them a piece of courage. All the words of encouragement that have been given to me have served to make me braver... almost like another kind of puzzle. All those beautiful words have joined together to make a picture of who I can be... if only I have the courage to go there. If I have the courage to step past or around or through the fear that is so good at holding back, I can get to where I see what all those lovely and loving people see... that I <i>can</i> do things!!! What a gift... what a blessing, to give someone that piece of courage.<br />
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I have this picture in my head that has been there for many years. Maybe not in a coherent way, but in the way I have lived my life. It is a picture of failure. Not necessarily based on any reality, but I have come to believe, based on the lies of the enemy, that I am not capable. Lies that I didn't have the courage to disbelieve. But all those healing words of encouragement that have been banding together are becoming bigger and stronger and so much more powerful than those lies. What an amazing, freeing thing this is! As I sat there in church tonight, after I played my piece, I just kept thinking 'I did it!' 'I can't believe I did it!!'. And it wasn't just that I played the piece, it was that <i>I had the courage </i>to put myself out there.<br />
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Encouragement. Healing. Freeing. Empowering. AmazingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2571243267252657576.post-55954246478443763632012-12-01T13:55:00.001-05:002012-12-01T13:55:40.953-05:00Our Comforting GOD I heard a question asked recently that has had me thinking. The question was "is it comforting or not, knowing that GOD knows us better than anyone else, that HE knows our every thought and deed?" Some people feel that it is not comforting, knowing that HE knows our every word and deed.<br />
I disagree.<br />
One of the first things any Christian learns is that we are all sinners. None of us is perfect... and GOD knows that! HE knows that we will make mistakes... maybe even knowingly do the wrong thing, fully aware that it will break HIS heart. HE knew before we were even conceived even, what our mistakes would be, and how we would let them shape our lives. HE knew every step we would take away from HIM and His love. But His word says that HE loves us anyway! He will <i>always</i> forgive us when we repent! He will <i>always</i> forget those things that we ask forgiveness for! And HE will <i>always</i> desire for us to come back to Him with a repentant heart. <i>Always!!!</i> (I would love to put a thousand exclamation points after that...)<br />
What a comfort to know that no matter what we do, HE loves us with a love bigger than the universe. What a comfort to know that, even if we are embarrassed by our mistakes, even if we try to hide that part of ourselves that we don't think the world will like, HE still adores us. So much so that HE came to us, humbled Himself to bring us to HIM. I believe it was Max Lucado that says that if GOD had a refrigerator, our picture would be on it. HE loves us unconditionally, unendingly, unmeasurably.<br />
I suppose it is scary to know that HE can see who we are deep inside. To know that that part of ourselves that makes us cringe is wide open to Him. But instead of letting that thought make us cringe with shame, or cry with regret... maybe it should be a motivator. Maybe we should let the knowledge that GOD is watching help us to chose our actions and do our best to pattern what we do after JESUS. And maybe we should let HIM carve away those things that we would hide away.<br />
Maybe that is what is scariest. What will happen if we let HIM carve us, change us, weed out those things that are holding us back from being the person HE wants us to be, the person HE created us to be? What will happen if we truly make HIM Lord of our lives, ruler of our hearts? What will happen if we make the choice that we will follow HIM wherever HE calls us to go? Even if that call takes us so far outside our comfort zone that we don't even recognize the path we are on.<br />
I have been learning about those who were called by GOD. Esther, Moses, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Isaiah... and so many others. And they all were certain they were unqualified to serve GOD. And maybe they were. But that wasn't the point. The point was that GOD calls those HE wants to use. It isn't our place to question, just to obey. I don't know who said it, but I have heard so may times..."GOD doesn't call the equipped, HE equips those HE calls." Those HE called, those that fill the Bible with all that we need to know to live for HIM have something else in common...<i> they weren't perfect!</i> (except for JESUS of course!)They were sinners, murderers, adulterers, cowards, liars, too old, too young, too shy, too arrogant, you name it, they were imperfect. Just like us. Is that why GOD tells us their stories? So that we have someone to identify with? Who do you identify with? Is it Jeremiah... who was certain he didn't know enough, was too young? Is it Moses... whose speech wouldn't win any awards for public speaking? Martha and Mary... who needed reminding what the priority was? Abraham... who lied about who his wife was? Or his wife Sarah... who laughed when the Lord called her to motherhood in her old age? Or maybe Esther... who was thrust into a world completely foreign to her? Whatever the "but I am____" is in our lives, GOD says "come, I will use you." There is nothing in our lives that will make us ineligible for service to GOD. <i style="font-weight: bold;">NOTHING!!!!!</i> (maybe a million exclamation points would be good here!)<br />
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<i>Amazing, forgiving, loving, comforting GOD, thank you for the assurance that you love us no matter what. No matter what it is that we are hiding from the world, You not only love us, but make a way... a new way... every day for us to come back to You. What a comfort that there is nothing in our past that will keep us from being used by You. In JESUS' name... amen.</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0