Prisoners

"Many Christians are prisoners of fears that are nothing when pushed up
against. Satan can do nothing against a son of God, but he loves to put
barriers of paper mache in the path of a believer to make him think he is
stopped.”
This was part of a sermon I read online. The writer told a story about a jail that was being excavated. The door was strong, reinforced, impenetrable  But the walls were merely paper made to look like strong iron. The prisoners could have simply pushed against the walls and escaped their prison.
And we are no better. We let satan put us in prisons of fear and doubt. Of things like depression and anxiety, sin and disobedience... simply because we believe his lies that we are incapable of escape. And every lie we believe clicks the lock closed on our personal prisons...
He whispers to us..."you are too weak, too unqualified" and we believe him and decline to serve. click
He pokes us..."you are worthless, life is overwhelming" and we believe him and sink deeper into the pit of despair. click
He points out our every flaw..."GOD can never use you, you disgusting sinner you" and we believe him and stay in our comfortable little boxes, never realizing that that there are amazing opportunities to serve HIM. That to serve HIM in ways we never dreamed we could will make our faith grow stronger and bigger than we ever imagined it could. click

Every time we allow ourselves to be stuffed into that prison, every time we choose to believe the lies of the evil one, we pull away from GOD just a little bit more.  Thankfully, HE will follow us whenever we stray from HIS truth. Like that wonderful shepherd that HE is, HE will follow us... lost little sheep that we are... to bring us back. To let us follow HIS fingerprints back to the safety of HIS fold.
GOD IS GOOD...ALL THE TIME!!!! ALL THE TIME...GOD IS GOOD!!!!

Owning It

I went to a conference this past weekend for church. While there I was blessed to attend a number of great workshops and worship sessions. One thing that has stuck with me is the keynote speech from Friday. The speaker talked a little about his past, about the trials that he had faced growing up. Then he talked about how we all have things in our past that have shaped us, that are maybe difficult, and that we may still struggle with. Then he said something that has gotten my brain spinning. He said that we need to own our story. Own it, and accept it, and share it.
Now, I have had struggles in my past. Nothing earth shattering. No one thing that could be seen as huge flood of trauma that threatened to wash me away. No, my struggles were more of a constant rain of things that have added up over the years to become a tsunami of difficulty that came to be a flood of anxiety and depression over the last year and few months. The speaker went on to say that we should be willing to share these things, and how GOD has worked in them and thru them to shape us, and heal us, and grow us. And that if we do share, we are showing others a part of GOD's character that they may not have seen if not thru us.
I have seen His character... and His fingerprints... everywhere this year. Everywhere. In the sermon that spoke to me about the very thing I was struggling with. In the mid week devotion that rebuked me for my spiritual temper tantrum even while reassuring me that my God was always there for me, even in my disobedience. And the one that helped me see His call in my life. In the words of a friend that were just what I needed to hear in the middle of an especially dark day. In the words of a song, or a prayer, or an email that was like a balm to my sore heart. HE has shown me so clearly that HE is a God of love and mercy and grace, that HE cares so much for His children that He would bend down from His throne to place His fingerprints just where they were needed.
Some of His fingerprints I know were there just for me, like the time I was at an especially difficult appointment.See I have this friend who, when she can tell that I am really struggling, will look at me with this silly look and say "Cheeeese..." in a silly way that always makes me smile. On this day I was really fighting the anxiety, and while sitting in the waiting room I happened to look over at a bookshelf. Sitting on the shelf was a book titled "Who Moved My Cheese". I started to giggle, picturing my friend and her silly grin. GOD knew that that would make me smile and reduce my anxiety. He made sure that book was just where I would see it at the moment I most needed to be lifted up. It may seem like a little thing, but to me on that day it was what I needed to survive what was a real challenge to my spirit. He knew that and gave me a glimpse of His character.
He amazes me. His character humbles me. His love and mercy sustain me.

Approved. Unanimously.

The vote was unanimous. I wasn't expecting that. I figured a few of the people on the committee would approve me, but I was fully expecting that I would be told that while they recognized my call and supported me, that I had a lot of work to do before they were willing to approve me. But they all voted yes. wow. WOW. I am going to be a pastor. I am going to serve GOD.
It is sobering.
 Not in a scary, what am I thinking, way. But in a wow, all these people are behind me, and what a huge privilege and responsibility. In a 'there's no turning back', only forward way.
Am I up for the challenge?
 I lay awake last night, replaying the meeting. I was sure at the time that my answers sounded weak and unintelligent. That I didn't really answer some of them, and that the ones I did were just too vague. When they brought me back in and the chairman started by saying the vote was unanimous... and then paused (how is it that that little pause... probably only in reality a second or two... seemed to stretch on for an hour???) I was bracing myself to hear that I had a lot to work on, and would I please come back in a year or so to ask for approval again. I even had ready what I would say... something along the lines of 'thank you, and I will work on these things, and I will see you in a year' or something like that. When he said that they had voted to approve me, I almost cried. These ten people all agreed that I am pastor material. I guess it surprised me because I am still trying to figure out how it is that so many people see it in me, when I still don't. I just figure GOD has His work cut out for Him, making me strong and giving me the skills and knowledge I need to do what HE wants me to do.
I was asked what I look forward to most as a pastor. I answered service. The other parts are exciting too. I like the planning parts, and the learning... there is so much I don't know that I want to. I am learning more about how the church works and feel more comfortable with the idea of being in the role of administrator. But when I think of serving a church, it's the serving... the showing up and getting stuff done, the going out and being the hands and feet of JESUS, the hands on working of being HIS disciple, that is what I am looking forward to, what fills my heart.
The only other question that stuck with me was when I was asked how it is with my soul. That one made me pause. I struggled for a minute how to answer it. There were a number of people on the committee that know what I have gone thru the past 14 months, well, they know a part of it. So I know why she asked that, but I wasn't prepared to answer in a way that didn't share too much. What I wanted to say was that I know what Paul meant when he said that he had learned to be content no matter what the circumstances. That I knew, because of the struggles I went thru, that no matter what is going on around me or even in me, GOD has me so tight in the palm of HIS hand that I am safe. That even if I don't have the spiritual or mental or physical strength to survive, HE will hold onto me until I do. Until I remember that HE is offering all the strength I need, I just have to humble myself and accept it. I wanted to say that my soul recognizes all the fingerprints GOD has left for me to find in my life this year, and that those fingerprints have been uplifting, and convicting, and healing, and humbling. That I am constantly amazed at how much my GOD loves me, that HE would take the time to send me 'love notes' in the form of a devotion, or a sermon, or a comment from a friend (or stranger for that matter!)or even something as little as a title of a well placed book. That how can I not be 'well in my soul' when I have a GOD who sees my trials and gives me glimpses of HIS love and grace and mercy (and how can I not be amazed knowing that those glimpses are just a tiny piece of HIS power and grace!). And that I am blown away at how often HE comes to me in the middle of pain and darkness to remind me that I am HIS beloved child and HE has an amazing plan for me. I wanted to say all that, but I didn't, couldn't. I was afraid if I tried to articulate it I wouldn't do the thoughts justice.There is so much more I could have said, but how do you put into words what HIS love has done in your heart and soul, it is just too big and too powerful to assign words to it. I don't think I could.
So now I have approval from PPRC. Now I have to get the approval of the church. I am nervous about that, probably more nervous than I was about last night. But I am also calm about it. Terrified but not worried. I know that it will happen when GOD wants it to, that my timing isn't the important thing. I have decided to just take it one step at a time, not to think beyond the next step unless I have to.
Unanimous. Wow.

Annointed... and Hungry

An amazing thing happened to me this week. Are you ready for it? Are you ready to hear the amazing thing that happened...it will knock your socks off... I promise!!!

I was hungry.

Yep, that was the amazing thing that happened to me this week. Right about now you are probably thinking...'um, ok. I get hungry all the time...what on earth can possibly be so amazing about that (maybe she has finally lost it???)' Nope... it really is amazing. Let me explain.

The last year or so has been a very challenging time for me. I have struggled most of my life with depression, every so often I would have a few days, or weeks that I was just really depressed. I would get over it fairly quickly. But for some reason, this past year has really been mostly a blur of depression and anxiety that I just couldn't shake. For me, one of the main ways the depression manifests is a significant loss of appetite. I don't feel hungry, and food holds no interest... so I don't eat. Not really a problem if you are talking a few days or even a week or two. But when the time stretches to over a year... then you have a problem. Since the depression grabbed ahold of me last fall I have lost 40 pounds... not a great thing when you are already on the slender side. Needless to say, it was beginning to become a real concern.

Then I went to church last Sunday.

I need to preface this by saying that our church has been blessed with a pastor who has the gift of discernment. When the HOLY SPIRIT nudges her, she listens and acts. It is a gift that has blessed not just me personally, but our whole church. I am so thankful for that gift!

So the sermon that she preached on Sunday was about healing. At the end of the sermon she invited anyone who wanted to, to come to the altar and be annointed for healing and have hands laid on them. So I went. To be perfectly honest, I don't know that I expected much. I figured that it couldn't hurt, but my hopes weren't really that high. After all, I had been prayed over, with, and for many many times over the last year plus, and things hadn't really changed very much.

I underestimated GOD's power. and HIS love. and HIS grace.

After church I was talking to Pastor about the annointing and she said something that really got my mind spinning (not that that ever happens...). She said that now nothing mattered... meaning, I assume, that none of the struggles that I have had are important, they can't hold me anymore.

She was right.

On the way home so much was going thru my mind...
  ...depression has no right to hold me... I have been annointed
   ...anxiety has no right to hold me.... I have been annointed
   ...anything that hurt me in the past has no right to hold me.... I have been annointed
and so it went, with all the things that have dragged me down being added to the list of things that have no right to hold me. It was freeing, and healing.

Then I realized that I was hungry. Not 'I guess I had better eat something, because it's, you know, biologically necessary' but 'I can't wait to get home... I am starving... and I can't wait to eat! And why are we going so slow?!?!?!?!'. It was the first time in a year that I was hungry and wanted to eat!

And I feel like me. Not a shadow of me that is struggling to function, afraid someone will see that I am in the midst of a struggle with this monster called depression, worried that something will happen to bring me down again. No, I feel like me. Strong and capable and ready to finish off that monster.

Because now I know I will win... I have been annointed....

My amazing, powerful GOD... Thank you doesn't cover it. I don't even have words to express what awe I have at Your power and grace. Just when I think that I get it, that I see how You work... You surprise me and humble me. Thank You for Your healing touch. For the leading of Your Holy Spirit... for a pastor who listens and obeys...for her godly influence and compassion and patience.  For opening my heart and mind to the power of Your healing. And especially for never ever leaving my side. You are Amazing!!! In JESUS' name... Amen.

Our loving Father

I know I have written posts before about seeing GOD's fingerprints everywhere, but I have been seeing them so much lately, and in such amazing ways, it is awesome... and humbling. It makes me think about how much HE values each of HIS children.
When you think of how powerful and mighty HE is... and how small and insignificant we are... why should HE even notice our struggles, much less give us glimpses into HIS love for us? Why should HE look down from His throne and see our pain, and do something to lessen it? We are just a bunch of selfish sinners really, going about our lives denying Him and His blessings, choosing that which feels good... rather than that which is right. And yet He takes the time to lovingly remind us that not only does HE see and hear our struggles, HE cares enough to do something about it. Not that HE removes the trials and challenges... I believe that HE does use those to help us grow and be stronger in our faith.
A few weeks ago I was heading north to visit family. The whole ride I had this idea running through my head. I should explain that I love to write. Not that I am a particularly talented or creative writer, but I find it therapeutic, especially when I am struggling with something that I need to sort out. So all the way north I had this idea running through my head. When we reached our destination I sat down at my computer and wrote out what I had been thinking. Over  the next day I refined it, adding details that fleshed it out, and when I was happy with what it said, I sent it to Pastor to read.
The next day she and I were talking to another friend of ours, and I was upset about something. Our friend (who hadn't read what I had written) was talking to me to comfort me... and began saying almost exactly what I had written and sent to Pastor. She and I just looked at each other in amazement... here were HIS fingerprints again. I could almost picture HIM looking down from His throne, whispering "I know sweetie, I hear you, and I am here... fear not, I am with you". What an amazing thought!! We are never alone, never apart from His love and care.
It never ceases to amaze me that, even in the darkest moments, even when we are at our lowest, HIS 'moments' still stand out so vividly. I wish I had kept a journal of all those little moments. The times that the timing of a song, or sermon, or devotion, or the words of a friend just came at such a perfect time that there was no denying that it was HIM, reminding me that HE isn't an impersonal, far away god that is just there to tell me what to do, but a loving, attentive, just Father who truly wants His children to be strong and content and comforted.

From the Back Side

I went on the women's retreat for our church this weekend. The theme of the weekend's study sessions was 'Parables from the Backside' (by J. Ellsworth Kalas). The point was to look at the parables of JESUS from a different viewpoint. It really made one think about how we really don't all see things the same. Each of us is on our own walk with GOD, each of us is on a different place on the path towards spending eternity with HIM. And those different places on the path make us see things in our own ways.There are so many questions, so many things to learn about HIM, and about Heaven and eternity. And there are so few answers that are black and white.

Sometimes it seems like the more questions we ask, the less we know. Not that we lose knowledge, but that we realize how much there is to know, and how little we truly understand.

Soon I start my classes... the first step on the road to becoming an ordained minister. I am excited about the learning... I saw the titles of the classes I'll be taking down the road and they sound really exciting. How much will I learn, and how much will I realize I don't know??? What will I see from the 'backside' that will change my understanding of my GOD? How will my relationship with HIM change and grow thru this journey? Is that the purpose of HIM sending me on this journey? To draw me closer to His side? I will be the first to admit that I don't always look to HIM first. I worry, I doubt, I ponder, I try to process, but I don't always turn to HIM and humble myself to ask for His help. This new journey isn't one I will be in control of, and it isn't one I can do on my own. I so need His help and grace, His strength and courage. Maybe that is the real purpose... the 'backside' purpose to this. And the end goal...becoming one of His shepherds, is just how I am suppose to use what I learn and how I grow.

My Lord and Strength... please help me see You in all of this. Please help me to recognize Your strength and grace along the journey, and to accept all You are freely giving me. In Your precious Son's name, Amen.

A Mission and A Peace

Last night Pastor challenged us to write our life's "mission statement" as we thought GOD would write it. The only thing I could think was simply... Serve HIM. As I set out on this new journey, I don't  really have a clear picture of what that service will look like. I know I keep thinking 'pastor', that is what I am looking towards as my final destination. But even in that role, there are so many different ways to serve. Will I serve in a small church or a large one? Will I be the kind of pastor that people feel comfortable going to for counsel? Will I work more with younger people? Or will it be the older brothers and sisters that I am more involved with? What will it be like to be on the other side of the pulpit each week?
I keep waiting for the worry and panic about all the changes I am facing to set in. And it hasn't. I keep wondering how it is that I am feeling such a peace about this. After all, I am looking at leaving my home... both the house that we have worked so hard to make ours, and the spiritual home that my church has become for me. I am looking at starting fresh in a new town and a new adventure that, if I am honest, I don't know fully how I will ever succeed at. But all I keep thinking is that GOD is in charge, and if HE wants me to succeed, I will. And as far as moving... well, since GOD is everywhere, and all my friends have phones... I guess that will be doable too.
And as for the peace.... "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. And the peace of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in CHRIST JESUS". That certainly fits, because I have no understanding when it comes to this new peace I am feeling... just that it has to have come from HIM.

Love Language

I listen in on my kids a lot. It's interesting to hear the conversations they have sometimes... enlightening even :)
One thing seems to happen a lot though. Some of my kids like to help... maybe one of their love languages is 'acts of service'. I am the same way, it is how I show others that they are important to me, to do something to make their day easier, or their load lighter. But, I don't know if my kids are too prideful, or if they are too independent, or what the issue is, they don't like to let people help them. I don't know how many times I have heard one of them offer help only to have to one being helped yell back 'no! don't! I can do it myself!'. What is up with that? Why are we so quick to refuse help from others? Why are we so quick to assume that the other person will be put out or inconvenienced by helping us? I know I have done it all too often. I don't want anyone to go out of their way, yet I never feel like I am going out of my way when I offer to help someone. What is up with that??
We are suppose to be JESUS' hands and feet, and voice in this world. We are suppose to serve others, both those we know and love, and those we don't. Doesn't that mean that we should also support fellow Christians in fulfilling that 'call'?When we deny someone the opportunity to serve, is that ok? I keep telling my kids that. That if they don't let their brother or sister help them, they are denying that person the opportunity to serve them, and to obey and serve GOD.

What do I Love Most About my Church?

I am on a committee that is working on a stewardship campaign designed to increase the people in the congregation's personal connection to the church. One of the things we are doing is to have people answer a few questions about their feelings for the church. Each person will have the opportunity to write their answer to each question on a heart that will then be displayed in the church.

The first question is "What do you love most about our church?"

My first thought was that that was an easy question to answer, but the more I thought about it, the more things I thought about, and the harder it is to narrow it down to one thing. Of course I love many of the people there, I have friends there that are a constant source of love and encouragement. I love the theology, that we are GOD's hands, feet, and voice in a fallen, troubled world that so needs to know HIS love. I love the building... it is my heart's spiritual home. But I think what I love the most, what pulls my heart there the most, is that it is where I have learned of my GOD. It is where I have learned to hear that still, small voice that speaks to my heart. Where I have learned of who I am as a Christian, and of who I can be for HIM. It is where I found my spiritual voice. What do I love most about my church? The whole package... the building, the people, the spiritual connection... I am so blessed to be a part of it!

Our Own Personal 'Patronus'

I was watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban today while ironing (I know... Harry Potter... but that is another post some other day). This was the movie where Harry has to learn how to fight off 'dementors'... creepy creatures who suck the happiness out of their victims, even robbing them of their souls if not stopped. The weapon used to fight off these terrible creatures is called a 'patronus' and it physically stands between the dementor and the would be victim.
As I watched Harry's first feeble attempts at using this new weapon, I was thinking about how his struggles are very like ours when it comes to fighting off the enemy. Just like the dementors, he stands waiting to suck away every bit of happiness we posses, and if we let him, he will take it all from us. And just like Harry, we are vulnerable to the despair and hopelessness that can come from letting him in. But, just like Harry, we have a weapon we can use to fight off this real life 'dementor'... and it doesn't even require any magic, just faith.
When Harry was beginning to try out the spell that would protect him, he faltered. His confidence was shaken by the memory of being defeated by this creature before. He spoke the words that would give him protection, but he was weak and afraid. As he continued to try to work this 'magic', his confidence grew, but he was still too unsure to make it work. It wasn't until he saw himself doing the spell that he gained the confidence he needed to do the spell correctly.
We don't have a magic wand, fancy words, or a time turner (that's how he was able to see himself...long story). But we don't need any of that (and GOD says that trying to use any of those things is wrong). We have GOD's word. HE tells us that HE has given us authority through belief in JESUS to overcome the power of the enemy (Luke 10:19). If we have accepted JESUS as Savior, we have the HOLY SPIRIT in us, and HE will protect us from the enemy. That is better than any patronus could ever be. All we have to do is call on the name of JESUS, and the enemy will turn tail and run. He may come back, and he may attack even more aggressively, but he will NOT win! Like Harry, we may be haunted of times that the enemy has appeared to have victory over us. And like Harry, we may think that  we are too weak, or too inexperienced, or just too small to have victory over such a foe. But 1 John 4:4 says that the one that is in us is greater than the one that is in the world, so it doesn't matter that we aren't able to do it. HE can.

A Decision Made and A Peace Found

Tonight was the closing program for the Vacation Bible School at our church. As the director I was the one who spoke to the families gathered to watch the kids preform. As I drove home I compared this year with past years. Most notable was what was missing from last year. Missing was the anxiety, complete with sweaty palms, racing heart, sick stomach and general panicky feeling. I was still a little uncomfortable, but I did it and it felt ok... wow. Since I made the decision about my future, I have felt so much more at peace in general, and specifically, I have felt much more comfortable talking to groups, even praying out loud in front of people. I have a long way to go, but I can feel that "peace that surpasses all understanding". Not to say that life is a bed of roses, well I guess maybe it is, complete with the thorns. But at least that part is headed in the right direction.

The pieces start to fit....

I wrote a post a while ago about things in our spiritual lives fitting together like pieces of a puzzle, to make the picture of our faith. Since then the idea has been rolling around in my head a lot. I like puzzles. I like the idea of getting all the pieces, and figuring out how they fit. I like the sense of accomplishment that comes with putting that last piece in, especially on a really hard puzzle....like the puzzle that life is. But does GOD really expect us to find all the pieces? Even over a lifetime of learning about HIM, does HE really intend us to figure out all of it? Or does HE want us to always have something else to work towards? I wonder if HE intentionally designed us to always have a hunger to know more of HIM, to always be striving to understand just one more facet of HIS being. HE is so big and so unfathomable, we could spend a hundred lifetimes, and never crack the surface. So how do we balance that craving to put in the last piece, with the knowledge that we will never find the last piece this side of HIS kingdom?
There are days that so many pieces have fallen into place, so many things seem clearer to me, that I feel like I would burst with the added weight of it all (good weight mind you).Days like those I have to get it out of my head (those are the days that there are a lot of posts on my blog!). Other days I feel like someone has swiped their arm across the surface of my 'puzzle' and wiped out most or even all of my progress. The amazing thing is that those pieces aren't really scattered, just rearranged into a different and sometimes more beautiful picture. The really amazing thing is that if I 'look' at those pieces, HIS fingerprints are there, on every one of them. Every one. HE didn't miss a piece. Ever. I don't know why HE loves me so much. I guess that is one piece that I will always be trying to find the place for. I guess that is one piece that really fits everywhere at the same time. Because whether it is the piece that is trusting HIM, or the piece that is believing I have received HIS grace.... HIS love is there. Whether it is the piece that is walking the path HE has laid out for me, or the piece that is surrendering everything to HIM... HIS love is there. Every piece is colored with HIS amazing, unending, unconditional, unbelievable love. And it makes a beautiful picture.

shunning

My kids and I watched 'The Shunning' today. It's a story of an Amish girl who is shunned by her community for the offense of 'drifting away' from her community's beliefs. Watching the main character endure the rejection of her friends and family was heartbreaking. Imagine, for nothing more than following your heart, the people who are suppose to love and support you turning away. Imagine, knowing that the rules your community lives by are not in accordance with GOD's will for HIS children, and having to chose between what you know is right, and losing that connection we all need so desperately.
I think sometimes we get so convinced of something, that we can't see past it. We can't see the big picture for that big ugly tree that is growing in front of our eyes. We can't see that we are so focused on something that isn't even clear, that we are shutting out what HE really wants us to learn. I have some dear friends that are in deep disagreement that GOD would call a woman to serve HIM in HIS church, as pastor or elder. They believe that women who do this are disobeying HIM and HIS word. I disagree. I think that that is what has been passed down for generations, rooted in the society of the Bible, where women were not educated or respected. I think it is different now. JESUS came to show us a new way, to show us that GOD isn't about rules and restrictions. HE doesn't want us to quibble over the little things, HE doesn't want us to be divided by these silly beliefs that don't do anything to honor HIM. HE wants us to see HIS love, and pass it on. HE wants us to go and make disciples, to teach others of HIS love and grace. HE wants us to live for HIM and in HIM. And if we are doing that, how can that be wrong?
It seems to me that everything is either of GOD or of the devil. If someone feels called to follow GOD, to give everything to obey HIM, how can that not be of HIM? How can leading others in the faith, teaching others of HIS love, helping others grow closer to HIM, how can that be something of the devil? It isn't!!! It has to be of HIM! I can't imagine that GOD wouldn't be smiling when HE sees one of HIS children leading another to HIM, helping that amazing relationship to grow. I can't believe it would matter one bit whether the 'leader' were male or female, whether they had different skin color, or chose a lifestyle that wasn't according to HIS will. Certainly HE has rules HE has given us... and for good reason. HE calls us to be a people set apart, to be in the world but not of the world. But those rules are there to remind us that HE has a plan for us, a beautiful, amazing, eternal plan. Not to make us feel guilty, or condemned, or less than anything but HIS. The Bible says that the only thing we have to do to have eternal life with HIM in Heaven is to accept JESUS as Savior. That's it. Not wear certain clothes, or love certain people. Not reject someone's call... whether we agree that it is a call or not. Not listen to certain songs, or read certain books, or avoid certain businesses based on the beliefs of the owners. Those things are something we need to consider as we make our way as Christians, but not because it makes us more acceptable to HIM. We do those things because our actions honor or dishonor HIM. Our choices reflect our beliefs and our words reflect our characters. I believe HE wants us to stand by our beliefs. Who are we as Christians if we don't? But if we stand by them to the extent that we condemn someone just because they don't agree with us... what does that show the world about Christians? More importantly, what does it show the world about CHRIST???

LORD in Your mercy, hear this my prayer... 
I pray LORD, that no one would ever feel 'shunned' by my actions, my words or my beliefs. I pray that I will always speak Your Truth in love, so that others will know You through my life. I pray that You will give me discernment, and wisdom, and clarity in the decisions that I have to make in my life. Please guide my way, light my path, and make clear to me what Your will is for my life. In JESUS' name I pray. Amen

Just a Wondering....

I woke up this morning at home... not at camp. I love camp in general, but the camp that I just came home from is a beautiful place. In fact, the name means 'beautiful spiritual place in the hills', a perfect name for a tranquil place. In the woods, near the edge of the lake, is a little outdoor chapel, further along the path is an outcropping of rocks that juts out into the water. I was able to spend some time at both of these places this week, praying and thinking, and just soaking in the presence of GOD. I wonder though, why is it that some places touch us more deeply in a spiritual place? What is it about a quiet little clearing, filled with rustic benches and a simple cross that pulls me closer to my Creator? What is it about sitting with a friend, praying to our Lord, looking over the water in the quiet of morning that brings home to me how much HE loves me? I am so thankful that I have opportunity to spend time in places that open up that part of my spirit and allow me to draw closer to HIM. What a blessing!!!

Roses, Thorns and Buds

One of the things I did with my group at camp was a camp tradition called 'Roses, Thorns, and Buds'. While sitting around our campfire (or one night around an 'flashlight fire' when we... the adults... were too tired to do a real campfire) I would ask one of the kids to share their 'rose' (something they loved that had happened that day), their 'thorn' (something they didn't like that had happened that day), and their 'bud' (something they were looking forward to the next day). Each day, each kid came up with more than one rose, often they would have no thorn for the day, and they always had at least one or two bud for the next day. Their enthusiasm was awesome. And their excitement over even the littlest adventure was contagious. How great would it be if we approached life like these little kids? If we truly looked at life as a little child. GOD sets before us a new adventure in HIS name every day. Do we look at those adventures like those kids looked at a day filled with songs, games, hikes and canoe trips? Do we list our many roses and buds and anticipate the coming day with enthusiasm and excitement? Or do we agonize over and dwell on the thorns? Do we let the few thorns that creep in choke out the many many roses, and hide the buds from our sight? What if we took a lesson from those kids, and fairly danced with excitement at the thought of new adventure? Imagine what our lives would look like!! A garden full of excitement, full of amazement at the beautiful 'flowers', blessings our GOD has planted for us!!! I pray that those kids I spent half the week with will never stop focusing on the roses, never stop looking for the buds in their lives, and that they will never allow the thorns to choke out their love of life.

Raise up a Child

The past few days I have been at the camp that is connected to our church. I had been asked to volunteer as director of a half week session where kids duckling #4's age come with an adult and experience camp life. What an experience! We had a small group, just four (sometimes five) kids and their parents. And what fun we had!!! We swam, canoed, sang songs, played games, did crafts, hiked, explored nature, and cooked our lunch in the rec hall (we were suppose to cook outside, but there were thunderstorms, so inside we went). But most importantly, it was an opportunity to share GOD's word with these small people. And they got it! It was so humbling to see how these innocent little kids just got how much their Heavenly Father loves and cares for them. It made me think about how the Bible says that if you raise up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:). I did not grow up going to church regularly, we may have gone occasionally, but it wasn't part of our daily lives, and talking about GOD certainly wasn't something that we did. My kids hear about HIM on  a daily basis, HE is part of life.
At the camp every morning they have something called morning watch where the counselors do a little devotion/worship time, with songs, Scripture reading, and sometimes a skit. One day it was the Parable of the Sower. I wonder what seeds will grow in these kids that I served with this week? What will they remember from that time spent at camp? Will it be the games, the songs, the hikes, or the canoe trip? Or will it be the morning watch, and the message that GOD loves them unendingly? Will they remember the "Roses, Buds, and Thorns" (more about that later), or praying around the campfire? What will they take with them that will shape their faith, and thus their lives as they grow in their faith? At 'our' camp people tend to come back year after year, it really is like a small (or maybe not so small) community, so I look forward to watching these young people grow and mature. I can't wait to see the adults they become!

The Summons

The Summons (John Bell # 2130 in The Faith We Sing hymnal)


verses 1,2, 4, and 5


Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be known, 
Will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?


Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stares 
should your life attract or scare? 
Will you let ME answer prayer in you and you in ME?


Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear you hide and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around, 
through My sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?


LORD, Your summons echoes true when You but call my name.
Let me turn and follow You and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go, where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in You and You in me.


I have loved this hymn for years, it's one of the ones I have learned to play. I love the tune, but the words speak volumes. Will we follow HIM when HE calls us? Will we go wherever HE leads, even if it is somewhere we never pictured going, or something we never imagined we could or would do? Even if that means leaving ourselves behind, and facing leaving behind those who won't or can't support us in our decision to follow HIM? Will we spread the news of HIS amazing love, and HIS unending grace? Even if doing all that HE asks means loving who HE made us... flaws and all? Even if it means facing fears that we have always tucked away so that we can change the world for HIM. It doesn't matter if we only change our little part of the world... if we are doing what HE asks, it is enough. When we listen for that small voice, when we follow HIM, our lives will never -ever- be the same.

Pocket Rocks update

I still carry my pocket rocks... I am getting better at remembering the verses and their 'addresses'. But I have changed something... I use to chose the rocks based on how I was feeling, or what I knew the day might bring my way. Then one day I was at church and had my box of pocket rocks (I was working on making more). A friend was there, and I asked her if she wanted to pick a pocket rock, and she reached into the box and took one without looking. She just let GOD pick the one she would take. It got me thinking. After all, HE knows better than I do what the day will bring. And HE knows my heart far better than I do, so if I trust HIM to lead me where I need to go, I can start with something as small as which verses from HIS word I will carry that day. And I have been humbled by what HE has chosen for me so many times. Like the day I picked Exodus 3:12 "GOD said 'I will be with you'" and thought about it when I was feeling lonely. Or the day after I had trouble praying and picked Ephesians 3:12 "In HIM and through faith in HIM we may approach GOD with freedom and confidence". So, I am continuing to let HIM lead me in even this seemingly small thing. Because really, it's not so small a thing. Carrying the rocks with me has helped me, it has been a reminder that as close as those rocks are to my physical self, HE is to my spiritual self. They also are an easy way to help me memorize HIS word, so that in those moments that I need to connect with HIM, and I can't find the words, I can use the ones HE has given us.

HIS call

I have been thinking and praying a lot lately. Let me start at the beginning...
A little less than two years ago Pastor approached me to ask if I would co lead the Discipleship Bible Study she was offering. My husband already planned to take it, and I hadn't decided if I was going to take it with him or not. When she asked I was surprised, I am very shy and public speaking was not exactly something I loved to do, so I wasn't sure why she asked me. She just said that GOD had put it on her heart to ask me, and told me to pray about it and let her know. So I did. And I couldn't come up with any reason not to, so I agreed to do it. And found that it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and I enjoyed it. Then she asked me to do a witness for tithing in church one Sunday... and again, I didn't know that I wanted to, but I agreed, and it went well. I have now done that twice, both times it was easier than I thought it would be, and I was glad I did it. Then she asked a friend and I to fill in for her (I wrote about this when we did it back in January). Again, I felt good doing it, and was glad I had accepted the opportunity to serve HIM, and to serve in my church. Through all this, Pastor has been encouraging me, helping me to get past some things that were holding me back from letting myself hear GOD's call. She had mentioned a few times that I might consider that GOD was calling me to serve somehow. And I listened... and convinced myself that there was no way HE was calling me to anything other that just serving in my church, where I am comfortable and loved and where I feel at home. But in the last few weeks something changed.
I have been thinking about what GOD wants me to do. Does HE want me to be a lay speaker (actually, I took the basic course already), or a certified lay minister, or a pastor??? I prayed and prayed and prayed, and it didn't seem any clearer. When I did the service at the beginning of July, I had prayed that if HE wanted me to consider becoming a pastor, that HE needed to make it clear, because I didn't want to do it if it wasn't His plan for me (I wasn't sure I wanted to do it even if it was His plan to be completely honest). I asked Him to help me to discern whether serving Him that way was what I needed to do. And doing the service felt... right. It felt like I was where I needed to be, and that it was something that I could do...with Him. So I have been praying that HE would give me some kind of indication what was next. I talked to Pastor about going for the training for Certified Lay Minister. It sounded good, but when I prayed about it... nothing. So last night I got to church early and spent almost two hours in the sanctuary, praying and thinking about becoming a pastor... that seemed to just keep coming back, over and over, that was what I would think about. One thing kept going thru my mind..."my heart says yes, my head says no".So I ended up making a list... I like lists. One side was why my heart was saying yes (actually "YES!!!!!!!!") and the other why my head was saying no. During the service, Pastor read Luke 11:52. And then started talking about making the head/heart connection. That got my attention... I had just spent nearly 2 hours trying to do just that. Then she started talking about keys, asking us to take out our keys and select one. I chose the church key. She asked how that space that the key opened benefited our spiritual lives, and how we were called to serve in that space. I was blown away. I had asked GOD to make it clear to me what HE wanted me to do, was this His answer? After the service I asked Pastor how she chose the message that night... she just opened the Bible and let GOD lead her. So I showed her the list I had made, and she agreed that GOD was sending me a message. We had a stewardship meeting next, but then I asked her to pray with me. I just feel like a decision has been made and that it is the right one and that GOD finally got my attention. And I feel peaceful. And ready. I don't know what this new journey will bring. I am sure it won't be easy. But if it truly is what HE wants me to do, it will happen, and HE will be glorified in it. Sooooo.... keep me in your prayers. I will need it! There is a lot I have to do, and a lot I have to think about. But it will be wonderful thing!!! Because it will be with HIM and for HIM.

Common Sense and an Uncommon GOD

Theologian and ethicist Lewis B. Smedes (1921–2002) explains why we call grace amazing.
Grace is amazing because it works against the grain of common sense. Hard-nosed common sense will tell you that you are too wrong to meet the standards of a holy God; pardoning grace tells you that it’s all right in spite of so much that is wrong. Realistic common sense tells you that you are too weak, too harassed, too human to change for the better; grace gives you power to send you on your way to being a better person. Plain common sense may tell you that you are caught in a rut of fate or futility; grace promises that you can trust God to have a better tomorrow for you than the day you have made for yourself.


This was in one of the daily devotionals that I receive each day. It struck me as very profound, yet so simple. It is so easy to be tempted to look at our faith with a common sense mentality. We are so use to basing our human relationships on what we see and what makes sense, that we forget that GOD doesn't work that way. HE doesn't see us the same way those around us do. HE loves us in spite of who we are, not because of what we do.
Sometimes I feel like life is a puzzle. Not a mystery kind of puzzle, but a put it together to get a beautiful picture kind of puzzle. There is the piece that is submission to HIS will. The piece that is acknowledging HIS omnipotence. And the piece that is accepting HIS grace without fear or doubt. There are the pieces that are learning, and trusting, and serving. And praying, and sharing our faith with those around us. Some of these pieces are easy to fit into the puzzle. They come naturally and just feel right. Others are harder. They take hard work and patience and perseverance to make them feel like they are a part of the puzzle, a part of who and what we are. But GOD says that HE will reward those who don't give up, who keep running the race. We can't try to apply common sense to an uncommon God. It just doesn't work. HE's too big and His love is too big and His grace is too big.
I think too, that it's easy to make excuse. We think that we are too unprepared, or too unequipped to serve HIM effectively. We think that we have to do everything 'just right' or we shouldn't do it at all. But it doesn't matter if we can't do it, because HE can. HE can calm our fears, HE can strengthen our resolve. And HE can, and does, equip us to do whatever it is HE wants us to do. And, I've discovered, HE is far more stubborn (can we call GOD stubborn???) than any of us can ever dream of being. HE knows what is best for us, and won't give up on us, even when we fight HIM every step of the way. Thank goodness!!