An amazing thing happened to me this week. Are you ready for it? Are you ready to hear the amazing thing that happened...it will knock your socks off... I promise!!!
I was hungry.
Yep, that was the amazing thing that happened to me this week. Right about now you are probably thinking...'um, ok. I get hungry all the time...what on earth can possibly be so amazing about that (maybe she has finally lost it???)' Nope... it really is amazing. Let me explain.
The last year or so has been a very challenging time for me. I have struggled most of my life with depression, every so often I would have a few days, or weeks that I was just really depressed. I would get over it fairly quickly. But for some reason, this past year has really been mostly a blur of depression and anxiety that I just couldn't shake. For me, one of the main ways the depression manifests is a significant loss of appetite. I don't feel hungry, and food holds no interest... so I don't eat. Not really a problem if you are talking a few days or even a week or two. But when the time stretches to over a year... then you have a problem. Since the depression grabbed ahold of me last fall I have lost 40 pounds... not a great thing when you are already on the slender side. Needless to say, it was beginning to become a real concern.
Then I went to church last Sunday.
I need to preface this by saying that our church has been blessed with a pastor who has the gift of discernment. When the HOLY SPIRIT nudges her, she listens and acts. It is a gift that has blessed not just me personally, but our whole church. I am so thankful for that gift!
So the sermon that she preached on Sunday was about healing. At the end of the sermon she invited anyone who wanted to, to come to the altar and be annointed for healing and have hands laid on them. So I went. To be perfectly honest, I don't know that I expected much. I figured that it couldn't hurt, but my hopes weren't really that high. After all, I had been prayed over, with, and for many many times over the last year plus, and things hadn't really changed very much.
I underestimated GOD's power. and HIS love. and HIS grace.
After church I was talking to Pastor about the annointing and she said something that really got my mind spinning (not that that ever happens...). She said that now nothing mattered... meaning, I assume, that none of the struggles that I have had are important, they can't hold me anymore.
She was right.
On the way home so much was going thru my mind...
...depression has no right to hold me... I have been annointed
...anxiety has no right to hold me.... I have been annointed
...anything that hurt me in the past has no right to hold me.... I have been annointed
and so it went, with all the things that have dragged me down being added to the list of things that have no right to hold me. It was freeing, and healing.
Then I realized that I was hungry. Not 'I guess I had better eat something, because it's, you know, biologically necessary' but 'I can't wait to get home... I am starving... and I can't wait to eat! And why are we going so slow?!?!?!?!'. It was the first time in a year that I was hungry and wanted to eat!
And I feel like me. Not a shadow of me that is struggling to function, afraid someone will see that I am in the midst of a struggle with this monster called depression, worried that something will happen to bring me down again. No, I feel like me. Strong and capable and ready to finish off that monster.
Because now I know I will win... I have been annointed....
My amazing, powerful GOD... Thank you doesn't cover it. I don't even have words to express what awe I have at Your power and grace. Just when I think that I get it, that I see how You work... You surprise me and humble me. Thank You for Your healing touch. For the leading of Your Holy Spirit... for a pastor who listens and obeys...for her godly influence and compassion and patience. For opening my heart and mind to the power of Your healing. And especially for never ever leaving my side. You are Amazing!!! In JESUS' name... Amen.