A Journey of Faith

Friday, May 24, 2013

It's All About the Climb...

I was driving home, listening to the radio the other night, and heard this song by Miley Cyrus called 'The Climb'

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

The song just reminded me so much of my current journey. Going into it I wasn't sure what to expect. I have been out of school for *ahem* 22 years, so I wasn't sure what to expect when it came to having assignments to complete on time. I wasn't even sure if I had what it takes to do well in school... I was definitely not what one would call a model student while in school. And then there were all the skills that I need to work on to be a good pastor. And all the skills I need to work on to be healthy body, mind and spirit while serving whoever GOD sends me to. There have been days that the whole idea of completing this process seems a little overwhelming.
But then GOD touches my life again, refreshing the fingerprints that seem to be everywhere, all over this process.
After my charge conference last week there were some papers I had to sign. A simple piece of paper stating what my intentions were (ordained elder). Just a simple piece of paper, but it carried so much meaning. Ok, a little dramatic perhaps, but really it did. It was written proof that I am determined to obey my GOD. As I signed the papers my heart was racing and my mind was spinning, and I had an overwhelming urge to toss down the pen and do a very very happy dance of joy... I am obeying my GOD!!!! I wanted to shout it out.... I AM OBEYING MY GOD!!!!! I didn't know it would bring such a feeling of joy and completeness to do such a simple thing as sign a paper stating my intention to follow through with His plan for me.
As for the school part of this journey... I am finding that I really enjoy it. Each assignment that I complete is one step closer to my goal. Every time I get a good grade back it is confirmation that I am doing what GOD wants me to do (I am going on the assumption that it is His strength that is giving me what I need to succeed!!)
I like the part in the song that goes like this...

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa


It doesn't matter how long it takes to get there, I will get there in GOD's timing... and one thing I have learned so far is that His timing is absolutely perfect. Whether it takes me four years or ten... I will get there when He wants me to, all I have to do is do my best, trust Him, and follow the nudging of the Holy Spirit. And keep the faith that He wouldn't call me to do this if He didn't intend to give me the things I need to accomplish what I need to do.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Another Step in the Journey

Yesterday was my charge conference. In the Methodist Church when someone wants to go into ministry there  is a process that involves getting the support of the church. When I made the decision to follow GOD's call the first step was to meet with my district superintendent, then with the Pastor Parish Relations Committee (PPRC), then to have a special charge conference where the whole voting membership of the church has opportunity to hear my story, ask me questions, and vote on whether to approve me as a candidate for ministry. This is what happened yesterday.

My nerves kicked in Saturday. I had been pretty calm about it in the last few weeks, a little nervous about speaking, a little more nervous wondering what questions would be asked, but nothing too overwhelming. (that has been a significant thing in this whole process... my sense of peace about it). But Saturday night I really started to get nervous, complete with shaking and racing heart. Oh, the enemy was sending his fiery darts left and right... attacking me relentlessly with these whispers of doubt...'you got it wrong... you would make a terrible pastor' 'no one is going to believe that was God calling you' 'you are going to make a fool of yourself' 'people will think you aren't well enough to do this'... and so on and so on. By Sunday morning I was pretty much a wreck. Adding to the nerves was that I am doing the pastoral prayer each week while I am taking my public speaking class to get me more experience in speaking and praying. I don't remember much about the sermon (too bad too, I do know that I enjoyed it, just don't remember it) or anything else about the service because I was praying through most of it.

That's ok though, cause GOD was listening.

For my class we have to do four speeches. As I understood the assignment, we aren't supposed to read our speeches, but just speak them. So when it was time for me to get up and tell my call story I just stood up and spoke. Let me clarify that... GOD put words in my mouth and they came out. And I stayed calm (and upright... no passing out!!!) and watching it later I was amazed at how calm I seemed. I got choked up a few times, but it wasn't a fear or an anxiety thing, it was a 'I need you to know how much I love GOD and want to do this for Him' thing. The questions weren't that bad, mostly about time management and my church background, that kind of stuff. There weren't really that many, and before I knew it I was being sent out (my family and I had to leave so that they could discuss me freely) so they could vote.

I went into the sanctuary and prayed and played my violin. It seemed like fooooorrrreeeevvvveeerrr before Pastor came in to get me, and when she did I couldn't tell by her expression what the results were. The closer we got to fellowship hall the more my heart started racing, because I knew that whatever the results of the vote were, my life wouldn't be the same. Not that it will ever be the same again anyway, but it just seemed like a huge moment in my journey.

Thankfully the district superintendent (who was running the meeting) didn't waste any time telling me the results of the vote. 33 said yes, 4 said later, and one said no. I started tearing up and felt like the breath had been sucked out of me. They said yes!!! And even the one that said no said it because they were concerned about my health. And the comments that they wrote on their ballots. Oh the comments were so loving and supportive and encouraging. The DS told me to hold onto them and look at them when I need encouragement. Oh without a doubt I will keep them. They are a blessed reminder that I am loved and respected.

The thought occurred to me later that, even if I didn't go one step further in this journey, even if I stopped right now, GOD has already used my obedience to bless my life. He has shown me that I am loved by a whole lot of wonderful, godly people. He has shown me that I am capable of doing things that I never dreamed I could do. He has shown me that no one is a hopeless case, and that with trust in Him, and the support of His hands and feet... and  heart... in this world, I can do that which He has called me to do. What an enormous blessing this journey has been so far. I know it hasn't been easy, and it will undoubtedly get harder and more challenging in ways I can't begin to imagine... but I'm seeing glimpses of the truth that it will be soooooooo worth it in the end.

Thanks be to GOD!!!!

Monday, May 6, 2013

The Holy Spirit is Whispering... are You Listening?

          The Holy Spirit is busy lately. Well, ok, the Holy Spirit is always busy I'm sure, but it has been busy watching out for me and my family more than I even knew lately.
           We homeschool our kids. It is a choice that has had its ups and downs, but for the most part it fits our family well. With all that has gone on in the last two years though, we haven't been as involved with other homeschoolers as much as we have been in the past. So when biggest duckling came to me and asked if we could look into attending a co-op that my niece takes her kids to, I said I would see what I could do. I said this knowing that that particular co-op was not taking new families at that time. I told duckling to pray about it and I would email a friend who is on the board and see if there was any chance a spot might open up. A few weeks later I heard that they had decided to let 8 more families in, so I put our names in the 'lottery' that would determine which families got in. I told the kids to keep praying (and put it on the prayer chain at church) and we waited. The morning of the drawing my niece called me crying... we got in!!
Today we went to the sign ups... and I saw even more evidence of the Holy Spirit at work...
I was thinking all the way there that this was going to be an awkward situation. I  am pretty shy, and I only knew of three people that I would know there, my niece, my friend (who does our homeschool evals) and a friend I haven't seen in about 7 years. Surprise... when I got there there were probably about 4 or 5 other people that I knew, some that I have been hoping to reconnect with even before knowing we were going to 'rejoin' the homeschooling community! And we got into all the classes we wanted to sign up for, which is awesome (usually the first year it is hard to get into the classes you want, people who are already members get first priority, and classes fill fast).
      But that wasn't the best part. That friend that I haven't seen in so long... she was telling me that even before my niece told her that we were joining, even before we knew... she had felt it on her heart to pray for me. How blessed I am that not only am I surrounded by people in my everyday life who love and support and pray for me... I even have people storming Heaven for me that don't even know why they are praying, just that they are being led by the Spirit to lift me up, and they do. I know that those prayers weren't any more heartfelt than any of those offered by those I see on a regular basis, but their meaning is so powerful. My GOD wants me to know that He is working on a much bigger scale than I ever realized. To put me on my friend's heart... to get us into the co-op with so many good, godly, loving, supportive people... to make sure that my kids get into classes that will broaden their horizons and be able to make new friends... so many answers to prayers, all wrapped up in to a big, beautiful picture of His care and love. Amazing.