A Journey of Faith

Thursday, July 19, 2012

HIS call

I have been thinking and praying a lot lately. Let me start at the beginning...
A little less than two years ago Pastor approached me to ask if I would co lead the Discipleship Bible Study she was offering. My husband already planned to take it, and I hadn't decided if I was going to take it with him or not. When she asked I was surprised, I am very shy and public speaking was not exactly something I loved to do, so I wasn't sure why she asked me. She just said that GOD had put it on her heart to ask me, and told me to pray about it and let her know. So I did. And I couldn't come up with any reason not to, so I agreed to do it. And found that it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and I enjoyed it. Then she asked me to do a witness for tithing in church one Sunday... and again, I didn't know that I wanted to, but I agreed, and it went well. I have now done that twice, both times it was easier than I thought it would be, and I was glad I did it. Then she asked a friend and I to fill in for her (I wrote about this when we did it back in January). Again, I felt good doing it, and was glad I had accepted the opportunity to serve HIM, and to serve in my church. Through all this, Pastor has been encouraging me, helping me to get past some things that were holding me back from letting myself hear GOD's call. She had mentioned a few times that I might consider that GOD was calling me to serve somehow. And I listened... and convinced myself that there was no way HE was calling me to anything other that just serving in my church, where I am comfortable and loved and where I feel at home. But in the last few weeks something changed.
I have been thinking about what GOD wants me to do. Does HE want me to be a lay speaker (actually, I took the basic course already), or a certified lay minister, or a pastor??? I prayed and prayed and prayed, and it didn't seem any clearer. When I did the service at the beginning of July, I had prayed that if HE wanted me to consider becoming a pastor, that HE needed to make it clear, because I didn't want to do it if it wasn't His plan for me (I wasn't sure I wanted to do it even if it was His plan to be completely honest). I asked Him to help me to discern whether serving Him that way was what I needed to do. And doing the service felt... right. It felt like I was where I needed to be, and that it was something that I could do...with Him. So I have been praying that HE would give me some kind of indication what was next. I talked to Pastor about going for the training for Certified Lay Minister. It sounded good, but when I prayed about it... nothing. So last night I got to church early and spent almost two hours in the sanctuary, praying and thinking about becoming a pastor... that seemed to just keep coming back, over and over, that was what I would think about. One thing kept going thru my mind..."my heart says yes, my head says no".So I ended up making a list... I like lists. One side was why my heart was saying yes (actually "YES!!!!!!!!") and the other why my head was saying no. During the service, Pastor read Luke 11:52. And then started talking about making the head/heart connection. That got my attention... I had just spent nearly 2 hours trying to do just that. Then she started talking about keys, asking us to take out our keys and select one. I chose the church key. She asked how that space that the key opened benefited our spiritual lives, and how we were called to serve in that space. I was blown away. I had asked GOD to make it clear to me what HE wanted me to do, was this His answer? After the service I asked Pastor how she chose the message that night... she just opened the Bible and let GOD lead her. So I showed her the list I had made, and she agreed that GOD was sending me a message. We had a stewardship meeting next, but then I asked her to pray with me. I just feel like a decision has been made and that it is the right one and that GOD finally got my attention. And I feel peaceful. And ready. I don't know what this new journey will bring. I am sure it won't be easy. But if it truly is what HE wants me to do, it will happen, and HE will be glorified in it. Sooooo.... keep me in your prayers. I will need it! There is a lot I have to do, and a lot I have to think about. But it will be wonderful thing!!! Because it will be with HIM and for HIM.

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