Sunday, November 13, 2011
A Joyful Day
So today was a good day. It started out SO stressful. I had been asked to speak in church (I am not a good public speaker) about tithing and our family's experience with it. I was unsure how interested anyone in church would be in what I had to say, and was very nervous about getting up in front of the congregation, but my pastor seemed to think I should do it, so I agreed. I wrote out what I was going to say last week and ran it by her. Then I proceded to worry for the rest of the week. Worry about whether I would speak clearly, worry about whether people would be able to hear me, worry about if I would sound intelligent, or like a dofus (ok, does it make you a dofus if aren't sure how to spell dofus, doofus, dufus?). Worry about if my asthma would act up, or if I would be shaking so much I would knock stuff off the podium. The list goes on (and on). Last night I couldn't sleep (despite being up at two o'clock Saturday morning and being exhausted by bedtime) and by 5 o'clock this morning I got up and rewrote part of what I was going to say. I was ok, until the sermon started ( I was doing the 'JESUS' prayer, I never heard of it, but the pastor told me before church to do it, so I did it the whole service til it was my turn). I knew the pastor was going to mention me in the sermon and I said I was ok with that, but it seemed to go on a long time, and I felt like everyone was looking at me. Needless to say by the end of the sermon I was shaking so badly I almost couldn't stand for the hymn. All I could think about during the hymn was ... 'wow this hymn is short. I hope we are singing it more than once' (we weren't) and 'oh no oh no, I'm next and the hymn is over'. I briefly thought about yelling encore, but thought better of it. SO up I went, shaking like crazy (which thankfully was not obvious due to the choir robe I was wearing), made my speech (even got a little laugh... cool!) and survived (!!!). To me it felt like I was shaking enough for the whole congregation to notice, and that my voice was shaky and hard to understand, but hey, I stayed upright, and didn't do anything embarrasing. Then (* and this is what made the day a good one!) after church people kept coming up to me and saying they liked what I said and that I did a good job. OK, cool, not only did they actually understand what I was saying (when I am nervous I tend to talk really fast, you know, get finished asap!), but at least some people liked what I had to say. I am so thankful that GOD got me thru what was a really scary thing for me. I am thankful that I have a church family who is patient with my insecurities, and loves me despite them. And I am very thankful that I have people who believe in me even when I don't believe in myself, who push me to be more than I think I am and do more than I think I can do. I am thankful that I have a witness to give even, that GOD has led me on a path where I have been able to learn about HIM and grow closer to HIM, that HE has put people in my life that help me see HIM and HIS plan for me. I am thankful that HE opens my eyes to HIS workings in my life, that I can see (sometimes not at the moment, sometimes much later) all the ways HE has blessed and is blessing me.