A Journey of Faith

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Trust in the LORD

I wanted to do another post, and when I decide to do another post I go thru either the Bible and pick something that jumps out at me, or I pick a song that has really 'spoken' to me lately, or a passage from a book or bible study. I also have a bunch of slips of paper with verses on them that were from one of those page a day calenders. (oldest duckling made an awesome collage with the pictures from that calender, and I finally got around to putting it on here!I love it, everytime I look at it I notice something new.). Sometimes I'll pick one of those to ponder in print. So I was just going thru some of those resources, trying to decide which verse to think about today, and this one verse kept popping up. 'Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding' Proverbs 3:5 So I guess maybe that is my verse for today. It's appropriate, it's certainly one area of my faith that I have the most trouble with. Even more than rejoicing, more than being still, more than any of the commandments, this one thing is my biggest weakness. I have to wonder how many of the other things that I struggle with would be resolved if I could truely trust HIM with all my heart. Not just the part that isn't hidden behind a wall. Not just the part that doesn't mind relinquishing control. All my heart. How much easier would it be to deflect Satan's poking if I truely trusted my Father in Heaven to protect me from it? How much easier would it be to do things like speak in church, speak in any group for that matter, if I wasn't scared to death of being rejected or ridiculed, because I trusted that GOD's opinion was the only one worth caring about? How much easier would it be to discern HIS plan for me and actually follow thru with it if I trusted HIS understanding far more than my own? After all, my GOD is bigger than anything this world can throw at me. Anything. There is nothing in this world that GOD won't help me to do, as long as it is HIS will that it be done. In the past few months I have struggled with trying to understand what road HE wants me on. I know that, right now, HE wants me to be homeschooling my children, but in another decade, I'll be done with that job, then what? Where do I go then? I never went to college, so I feel like the world is wide open to whatever HE calls me to. It's an exciting prospect, and a terrifying one at the same time. I am a creature of habit, I don't like change, and as for my box, well let's say... I don't like to stray far from it. Ok, with the help of a friend I have left my box (creeping very slowly some days, kicking and screaming other days), but I'm still resisting too much change. How far would HE take me if I just trusted HIM to use my life for HIS glory? And do I want to go that far? The part of me that looks on HIM and HIS love with awe and wonder would go anywhere and everywhere for HIM. I would do anything HE asked me to do. But that other part, the part that is like a little kid with separation anxiety, clinging to her parent, screaming 'no no no no' is holding onto that box for all I'm worth. I know I need to let go and let GOD, but oh, it is so hard, and so scary.

Father GOD, help me to trust YOU, truely trust YOU, with all my heart. Help me to get rid of that silly box once and for all, and really and truely be open to YOUR plan for me. Help me too, to listen to YOUR voice and discern what it is YOU are asking of me. And thank YOU for those you have placed in my life to help me navigate this path YOU have for me (and maybe give them a little extra patience, they may need it, I can be pretty stubborn sometimes... but I guess you knew that already :). In JESUS' name, Amen

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