A Journey of Faith

Thursday, January 19, 2012

20 years

It's hard to say good-bye,
When I barely said hello.
And it's hard to let you go,
When I barely got to hold you.
And it's hard not to cry,
When I never heard you laugh.
But love never dies;
And I know we'll be together again in a faraway place,
and a faraway time;
But it's hard to say good bye,
when I barely said hello.


Twenty years ago, on January 24, 1992, my stepson stepped into the arms of GOD. He was a week short of 7 months old. The events of that night are forever etched in my memory. The late night phone call, the somber drive to the hospital. The sight of that tiny little person, forever still, on the gurney. The feel of his tiny, soft foot as I rubbed his toes for the last time. The thick feelings of grief, hopelessness, and despair that hung in the air. The sad, quiet ride home, followed by the many phone calls the next day to let family and friends know what had happened. I will never forget that night and the sad weeks and months that followed, but the past two decades have healed the hole in my heart, and made way to remember the good times we had with him, few as they were. The first time I saw him, with his beautiful blue eyes, so sweet and innocent. Walking him around the dining room to help him go to sleep, feeding him bottles, trying to burp him (never did get the hang of the whole burping thing). And knowing now, 20 years and a life's journey of faith later, that I will see him in Heaven someday. Will he know me? Will he remember those few moments we spent together? Will he know how much I love him and how much I have missed him over the years? There are so many unanswered questions when a child dies. What would he have been like? Would he have looked like my husband, tall and handsome? Would he have been a good big brother to his little siblings? Would we have gotten along well? So many things to ponder.

LORD, you know my stepson, you've cared for him since before he was born, and watched over him since he died. Tell him he is not forgotten and still loved and missed. Thank YOU for the assurance that we will see him again someday, and that until then, he is in good hands!

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