Last night, after spending the day painting my mom's new house, I came home and took a nice hot bath (GOD bless whoever invented the tub, and hot water heaters. Oh, and bathroom doors with locks:). I took advantage of the time alone to spend some time praying. (time alone is a precious commodity in this house sometimes). I feel lately like I need to work on, well, something. But I don't know what exactly. I know I have many shortcomings, many things that keep me from being who GOD wants me to be. I just don't know what to start with. So I asked HIM to convict me, show me what HE would change in me. Then after the kids were in bed I went back onto sermoncentral.com and read some more sermons. I am going thru the sermons on 'prayer:supplication', mostly because I wanted sermons on being still, but they didnt' have that as one of the topics, so that was as close I could get. One that really hit me was called '5 Dangerous Prayers'. The first of the 'dangerous' prayers was 'Search Me'. So now I am kind of worried, waiting for GOD to finish searching me (like HE needs time to do that... HE already knows what my flaws are!) and let me know what I need to do. Maybe HE will use this as an opportunity to make me practice patience, being still, waiting for HIM. Maybe HE will put something 'in my face', a book or sermon. Maybe an email devotion, who knows! I am kind of excited to see how HE will work in this. The next 'dangerous prayer' is 'Break Me'. I'm not looking forward to that one being answered. I spent a lot of time broken, on my knees before HIM, I know it is necessary to allow HIM to fill me up, but I'm still not looking forward to it :). After that comes 'Stretch Me' 'Lead Me' 'Use Me'. Those sound, hmmm; exciting, scary, wonderful, humbling.
I am looking forward to Sunday's sermon. It is the third in a series (the '3 Simple Rules For Christians') and the topic is 'Stay In Love With JESUS'. I read something (I think it was one of the email devotions I get) about GOD wooing us. About how HE pursues us, wooing us to a relationship with HIM. I feel that lately. I have been a Christian, in the Biblical sense, for less than ten years. I have gone to our church longer than that, but my faith wasn't real for a while. I was in the 'going to church makes you a Christian' frame of mind. My faith has come a long way, but lately I feel like GOD is not just calling my name, HE is shouting it, with banners and confetti, and music. I just don't know where HE is wanting me to be. What HE is wanting me to do. I guess I wonder if HE is just working on me, preparing me, getting me ready to be changed for HIM. Goodness knows, there is a lot of work to do, HE has HIS work cut out for HIM. Thankfully, HE has infinate patience, and HE knows my heart. I just pray that I will have the self-control to trust HIM and not run from the unknown and the unfamiliar.
LORD, YOU alone know my heart. YOU alone know my shortcomings, the many many things YOU would change in me. Please search me and convict me to be who YOU want me to be. Thank YOU for all the ways YOU are reaching out to me, pursueing me to a deeper relationship with YOU. I love YOU!!!!!!!! In JESUS' name, Amen